Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a direct answer and describe one specific experience. Improve grammatical accuracy by saying “I joined a volleyball game” instead of “I entered in a sports volleyball game,” and use the past tense consistently. Avoid repetition such as “play volleyball again” and “play games.” Also, “soothing feeling” is unnatural here; “relaxed” or “refreshed” is more appropriate. Use a linking word such as “After that” to connect the details.

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child, I joined a volleyball game at school, even though I had never played before. I really enjoyed working with my teammates, and the experience made me feel relaxed and refreshed. After that, I continued playing volleyball whenever I had the chance.

提案: Give your opinion clearly in the first sentence, then explain both sides with accurate grammar. Use “it depends on the individual,” “some people like,” and “different kinds of things.” The phrase “explore new terms” is incorrect in this context; say “experience new things” or “discover new interests.” Avoid the long, unclear sentence by using linking words such as “For example,” “However,” and “Therefore.” Add a specific reason or example to make the answer more effective.

例: I think people should try different things, but not necessarily as many as possible. For example, trying a new sport or hobby can help them discover their interests and develop useful skills. However, some people prefer relaxing at home, and that is perfectly reasonable if they are busy or tired. Therefore, people should try new activities at a comfortable pace.

× I remember one day of sports I entered in a sports volleyball game and it was a great experience in my life.

✓ I remember that one day, I entered a volleyball game, and it was a great experience in my life.

The original sentence has an incorrect structure in the phrase one day of sports and joins several clauses without clear grammatical connections. Use that one day to introduce the event, and use commas to separate the clauses.

× I remember one day of sports I entered in a sports volleyball game and it was a great experience in my life.

✓ I remember that one day, I entered a volleyball game, and it was a great experience in my life.

The verb enter normally takes a direct object, so we say entered a volleyball game, not entered in a volleyball game. Also, sports is unnecessary before volleyball game.

× If I had a chance again I would definitely play volleyball again as it was it gives me soothing feeling whenever I play games.

✓ If I had another chance, I would definitely play volleyball again because it gives me a soothing feeling whenever I play.

The sentence describes a general feeling that remains true, so the present tense gives is appropriate. Was is incorrect here and is also repeated with it gives. Use the present tense for a general fact or regular feeling.

× If I had a chance again I would definitely play volleyball again as it was it gives me soothing feeling whenever I play games.

✓ If I had another chance, I would definitely play volleyball again because it gives me a soothing feeling whenever I play.

Soothing feeling is a singular countable noun phrase, so it needs the indefinite article a. Say a soothing feeling, not soothing feeling.

× According to my perspective, it depends on the individual as some individual like to do different kind of things to explore new terms in their life as well as other people try to do relax at their home so they do not even try various things in their life.

✓ From my perspective, it depends on the individual because some individuals like to do different kinds of things to explore new terms in their lives, while other people try to relax at home, so they do not even try various things in their lives.

From my perspective is the standard expression for giving a personal opinion. We also normally say relax at home rather than relax at their home when speaking generally.

× According to my perspective, it depends on the individual as some individual like to do different kind of things to explore new terms in their life as well as other people try to do relax at their home so they do not even try various things in their life.

✓ From my perspective, it depends on the individual because some individuals like to do different kinds of things to explore new terms in their lives, while other people try to relax at home, so they do not even try various things in their lives.

Some refers to more than one person, so individual must be individuals. Different kinds is also required because the speaker is referring to multiple types of things. The plural form lives is appropriate when referring generally to the lives of multiple people.

× According to my perspective, it depends on the individual as some individual like to do different kind of things to explore new terms in their life as well as other people try to do relax at their home so they do not even try various things in their life.

✓ From my perspective, it depends on the individual because some individuals like to do different kinds of things to explore new terms in their lives, while other people try to relax at home, so they do not even try various things in their lives.

In the original sentence, individual is singular but like is used as if the subject were plural. After correcting the subject to some individuals, like is correct. If the subject remained singular, the verb would need to be likes.

× According to my perspective, it depends on the individual as some individual like to do different kind of things to explore new terms in their life as well as other people try to do relax at their home so they do not even try various things in their life.

✓ From my perspective, it depends on the individual because some individuals like to do different kinds of things to explore new terms in their lives, while other people try to relax at home, so they do not even try various things in their lives.

The original sentence contains too many clauses joined together without clear connectors or punctuation. Use because to introduce the reason and while to contrast the two groups. Also, try to relax is the correct verb structure; try to do relax is not grammatical.