Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Begin with a direct answer, such as “Yes, I did.” Avoid the unnatural phrase “a different kind of distinct opportunities”; say “several opportunities” instead. Use accurate grammar and collocations: “I joined the school swimming team,” not “I participated in swimming, team.” Also, connect the activities more clearly and explain one specific detail, such as what instrument you played or how winning the competition made you feel. Avoid fillers such as “uh,” and make sure the final sentence is complete.

例: Yes, I did. I joined the school swimming team, and we won first prize in a competition, which made me feel extremely proud. I also learned to play the piano for a few years. These activities helped me become more confident and disciplined.

提案: State your opinion directly and use correct forms: “different kinds of things” and “in their free time.” Replace “broaden their horizon” with the more natural “broaden their horizons,” and avoid using both “and” and “even also” together. Organize your reasons with linking words such as “First,” “Moreover,” and “For example.” The answer is incomplete, so finish the example by explaining which sports or musical activities you tried and what you learned from them.

例: Yes, definitely. People should try different activities in their free time because this can broaden their horizons and help them develop new skills. Moreover, they may discover what they genuinely enjoy. For example, I have tried swimming and playing music, and these experiences helped me find new interests.

× I had a different kind of distinct opportunities to take part in new UH activities as a child.

✓ I had several opportunities to take part in new activities as a child.

Opportunities is plural, so it cannot be used with a singular structure such as a different kind of. Use several opportunities or different kinds of opportunities. The filler UH has also been omitted because it is not part of the grammatical sentence.

× I participated in swimming, UH team and where we won the first prize in the competition in the school.

✓ I participated in swimming and joined a team, and we won first prize in a competition at school.

The original sentence combines unrelated structures and uses where incorrectly. After joined a team, use and we won to connect the second clause. The phrase at school is the natural expression for the location.

× Secondly, I've also played music.

✓ Secondly, I also played music.

The answer refers to activities that happened during childhood, so the simple past played is more appropriate than the present perfect have played. Also, secondly already indicates an additional point, so also can be placed before the verb.

× Yes, definitely people should try different kind of thing in their free times.

✓ Yes, definitely, people should try different kinds of things in their free time.

After different, use the plural form kinds, and things must also be plural because the sentence refers to multiple activities. Free time is normally an uncountable expression in this context, so use free time rather than free times.

× It can broaden their horizon and develop new skills and even also they come to know what they enjoy the most.

✓ It can broaden their horizons, help them develop new skills, and help them discover what they enjoy most.

The original sentence incorrectly joins several ideas without a clear parallel structure. Use a series of parallel verb phrases: broaden, help them develop, and help them discover. The expression discover what they enjoy most is more grammatically complete than come to know in this sentence.

× It can broaden their horizon and develop new skills and even also they come to know what they enjoy the most.

✓ It can broaden their horizons, help them develop new skills, and help them discover what they enjoy most.

The possessive adjective their refers to people in general, and the sentence describes multiple areas of knowledge or experience. Therefore, use the plural noun horizons rather than the singular horizon.

× I also for example by experimenting in sports, music and.

✓ For example, I also learn about my interests by experimenting with sports and music.

The original sentence is a fragment because it does not contain a complete main verb. Adding learn makes it a complete sentence. The list should also end with a complete noun phrase rather than and.

× I also for example by experimenting in sports, music and.

✓ For example, I also learn about my interests by experimenting with sports and music.

Use experiment with when referring to trying different activities or areas. Experimenting in sports is not the appropriate preposition for this meaning.