Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the question directly in the past tense: say that you had opportunities at school and give one or two specific examples. Correct the grammar in phrases such as “take part in” (not “take part”), “my school often had” (not “have”), and “sing songs” (not “sing songs” after “activities” without a clearer structure). Avoid repetition and informal fillers such as “you know.” Use a linking word such as “For example” to connect your supporting details, and replace “funny” with “fun” or “enjoyable.”

例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. My school often organized things like singing performances and outdoor trips to the park. For example, I once joined a school choir, which was both enjoyable and a little challenging.

提案: Give a clear opinion in the first sentence and then explain why. Replace “the life is short” with “life is short,” and avoid the unclear phrase “trial by”; use “try different things” or “experiment with new activities.” The idea about living for one hundred years is confusing and unnecessary, so support your opinion with a specific benefit, such as discovering interests, gaining confidence, or meeting new people. Use linking words like “because” and “as a result” to make the answer more coherent.

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because life is short and new experiences can help them discover their interests. For instance, someone might try cooking, hiking, or learning a language and find a talent they did not know they had. As a result, they can become more confident and open-minded.

× Yeah, actually I often take part some new activities, you know as a child my school often have some very interesting activities for example sing songs or go outside go to park.

✓ Yeah, actually, I often take part in some new activities. You know, as a child, my school often had some very interesting activities, for example, singing songs or going outside to go to the park.

The expression is take part in, not take part some. The preposition in is required after take part.

× Yeah, actually I often take part some new activities, you know as a child my school often have some very interesting activities for example sing songs or go outside go to park.

✓ Yeah, actually, I often took part in some new activities. You know, as a child, my school often had some very interesting activities, for example, singing songs or going outside to go to the park.

The phrase as a child refers to a finished period in the past, so the past-tense forms took and had should be used instead of take and have.

× Yeah, actually I often take part some new activities, you know as a child my school often have some very interesting activities for example sing songs or go outside go to park.

✓ Yeah, actually, I often took part in some new activities. You know, as a child, my school often had some very interesting activities, for example, singing songs or going outside to go to the park.

After for example, the activities should be expressed in a parallel form. Because the sentence describes activities as nouns, singing and going are more natural than the base forms sing and go.

× Yeah, actually I often take part some new activities, you know as a child my school often have some very interesting activities for example sing songs or go outside go to park.

✓ Yeah, actually, I often took part in some new activities. When I was a child, my school often had interesting activities, such as singing songs, going outside, and visiting the park.

The original sentence contains several ideas joined together without clear punctuation or conjunctions. Dividing the ideas into two sentences and using such as creates a clearer structure.

× Yeah, actually I often take part some new activities, you know as a child my school often have some very interesting activities for example sing songs or go outside go to park.

✓ Yeah, actually, I often took part in some new activities. When I was a child, my school often had interesting activities, such as singing songs, going outside, and visiting the park.

A singular countable noun such as park generally needs a determiner. The definite article the is used because the speaker is referring to a specific park.

× So I think it's so funny to me.

✓ So I thought they were really fun.

Funny usually means amusing or causing laughter, while fun describes an enjoyable activity or experience. Also, they refers clearly to the activities, and the past tense matches the childhood context.

× Yeah, I think so you know the life is short.

✓ Yeah, I think so. You know, life is short.

Life is used without the when making a general statement about life in general. The definite article the is used for a specific life or a previously identified context.

× Maybe one hundred years old is too long so just do it and trial by and try different things in your life, I think it's very important.

✓ Maybe living to be one hundred years old is too long, so people should try different things in life. I think it is very important.

One hundred years old cannot function naturally as the subject of the first clause. Using living to be one hundred years old provides a complete and clear subject. The original sentence also contains several ideas joined by commas, so separating them improves the structure.