Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 内容は質問に直接答えており、具体例も複数含まれているため良いです。ただし、「got to twice swimming」は不自然なので、「got to go swimming twice」または「tried swimming」と言い換えてください。また、「craft」は活動名としては「crafts」または「craft-making」が自然です。最後の文に活動を詰め込みすぎず、適切な接続表現を使って整理すると、より明確で自然になります。

例: Yes, I had plenty of opportunities to try new activities as a child. My parents encouraged me to take sports and music lessons, and I also joined several school clubs. In addition, I went to summer camps where I tried swimming, hiking, and craft-making. These experiences helped me become more adventurous and independent.

提案: 意見と理由が明確で、興味・才能の発見、新しい技能、友人作りという具体的な利点も示せています。一方で、文全体が一文のランオンセンテンスになっているため、ピリオドや接続表現を使って2〜3文に分けてください。「as many different things as possible」の後にはピリオドまたは「because」を入れ、「Plus」は会話では使えますが、「Moreover」や「In addition」を使うとより自然で整理された印象になります。

例: Yes, I think people should try as many different things as possible. It helps them discover their interests and talents, and it can make life more exciting. In addition, they may learn useful skills and meet new people along the way. For example, someone who tries volunteering might discover a passion for working with children.

× I also joined various school clubs and went to summer camps where I got to twice swimming, hiking and even craft.

✓ I also joined various school clubs and went to summer camps where I got to try swimming, hiking, and even crafting.

After get to, use the base form of a verb: get to try, not get to swimming. Crafting is used to keep the activities parallel with swimming and hiking. The word twice is unnecessary here; if you mean that you swam two times, say got to try swimming twice.

× Yes, I believe it's a good idea for people to try as many different things as possible it helps you discover your interests and talents and make life much more exciting plus you can learn new skills and even meet new friends along the way.

✓ Yes, I believe it's a good idea for people to try as many different things as possible. It helps you discover your interests and talents, makes life much more exciting, and allows you to learn new skills and even meet new friends along the way.

The original sentence contains several independent ideas joined without suitable punctuation, creating a run-on sentence. Separate the first idea with a full stop and use a parallel structure: helps you discover, makes life, and allows you to learn.