Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 질문이 과거의 경험을 묻고 있으므로 현재형인 “I have chances” 대신 과거형인 “I had opportunities”를 사용해야 합니다. “like trying to play some piano”는 어색하므로 “such as playing the piano and riding a bike”처럼 병렬 구조를 맞추세요. 또한 “forced me to try anything”은 다소 강하고 부자연스러우므로 “encouraged me to try different activities”가 더 적절합니다. 첫 문장에서 직접 답한 뒤, 부모님이 어떤 활동을 권했는지와 그 결과를 한두 문장으로 구체적으로 설명하면 더 효과적입니다.

例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, my parents encouraged me to play the piano and learn how to ride a bike. Although I found the piano difficult at first, I enjoyed learning new skills.

提案: 의견을 직접적으로 제시하도록 “Yes, I think people should try different things”로 시작하세요. “new thing”과 “more confidence”는 각각 복수형인 “new things”와 형용사 “more confident”로 고쳐야 하며, “sum more activities”와 “new persona”는 문맥에 맞지 않으므로 “a range of activities”와 “discover their interests or strengths”를 사용하세요. “because” 뒤의 문장을 명확하게 연결하고, 새로운 활동이 자신감이나 적성을 발견하는 데 어떻게 도움이 되는지 구체적인 예를 덧붙이세요.

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities whenever possible. This is because new experiences can help them discover their interests and become more confident. For instance, someone who joins a sports club might discover a talent for teamwork.

× Yes, I have chances to try new things like trying to play some piano and riding a bike.

✓ Yes, I had opportunities to try new things, such as playing the piano and riding a bike.

Because the question refers to your childhood, the past-tense form had is needed instead of have. Use the past tense when describing experiences that happened during a completed period in the past.

× Yes, I have chances to try new things like trying to play some piano and riding a bike.

✓ Yes, I had opportunities to try new things, such as playing the piano and riding a bike.

The names of musical instruments usually take the definite article the after play. Therefore, say play the piano, not play some piano.

× My parents forced me to try anything.

✓ My parents forced me to try everything.

In this affirmative sentence, everything is the appropriate quantifier because it means all the activities or experiences. Anything is more commonly used in questions, negatives, or conditional sentences.

× where I think many people try to experience new thing because if they try to sum more activities, they found their new persona and they become more confidence.

✓ Well, I think many people try to experience new things because if they try some more activities, they find their new interests and become more confident.

The noun things must be plural because it refers to multiple experiences. Use a plural noun after the general expression new.

× where I think many people try to experience new thing because if they try to sum more activities, they found their new persona and they become more confidence.

✓ Well, I think many people try to experience new things because if they try some more activities, they find their new interests and become more confident.

Use some, not sum, before more activities. Some is a quantifier used with plural countable nouns, while sum is a noun or verb related to calculation.

× where I think many people try to experience new thing because if they try to sum more activities, they found their new persona and they become more confidence.

✓ Well, I think many people try to experience new things because if they try some more activities, they find their new interests and become more confident.

This sentence describes a general result, so use the present tense find instead of the past-tense form found. In a general if-clause, both the if-clause and the result clause normally use the present tense.

× where I think many people try to experience new thing because if they try to sum more activities, they found their new persona and they become more confidence.

✓ Well, I think many people try to experience new things because if they try some more activities, they find their new interests and become more confident.

After the linking verb become, use an adjective to describe the subject. Confident is the adjective; confidence is a noun. Therefore, say become more confident.