Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 内容が質問に直接答えており、具体例もあるため、基本構成と内容は非常に良いです。さらに自然にするには、「had chances」を「had the opportunity」にするとより自然です。また、「music lessons and basketball」の後に、どちらが印象に残ったか、または何を学んだかを一言加えると、回答に個性と具体性が増します。最後の文は「practised every week」のように簡潔にまとめるとよいでしょう。

例: Yes, I had plenty of opportunities to try new activities as a child. My parents encouraged me to join different clubs, so I took piano lessons and played basketball for a while. I started learning the piano at the age of seven and practised every week. I especially enjoyed it because I gradually learned to play some of my favourite songs.

提案: 最初の文は文構造が崩れており、「otherwise sometimes」「new experiences and are interesting」「they have your own new skills」は不自然です。「I think people should try different things because...」のように、まず明確な意見を述べてください。また、「cooking pros」はおそらく「cooking classes」または「cooking for a year」の誤りです。具体例は良いので、「As a result」などの linking word を使って結果につなげましょう。最後の「But if someone is very busy,」は未完なので、「they should focus on one or two activities」と結論まで言い切る必要があります。

例: Yes, I think people should try different things because new experiences can help them develop useful skills. For example, I took a cooking class for a year, and now I can prepare simple meals, which has saved me money. However, people who are very busy do not need to try everything; they can choose one or two activities that genuinely interest them.

× Well, I think people should try different things otherwise sometimes because new experiences and are interesting and they have your own new skills.

✓ Well, I think people should try different things because new experiences are interesting and can help people develop new skills.

The conjunctions otherwise and because are used incorrectly together. Otherwise introduces a result or alternative, but because introduces a reason. Use because to explain why people should try different things. Also, do not place and before are in the phrase new experiences are interesting.

× Well, I think people should try different things otherwise sometimes because new experiences and are interesting and they have your own new skills.

✓ Well, I think people should try different things because new experiences are interesting and can help people develop new skills.

The pronoun your does not agree with the general subject people. In addition, experiences cannot have skills in this meaning. Use can help people develop new skills instead.

× Well, I think people should try different things otherwise sometimes because new experiences and are interesting and they have your own new skills.

✓ Well, I think people should try different things because new experiences are interesting and can help people develop new skills.

The original sentence contains several clauses joined in an unclear and grammatically incomplete way. A clear structure is subject plus verb: new experiences are interesting. Then add a second complete idea: they can help people develop new skills.

× For example, I tried cooking pros for the year and now I can make simple meals and that saved me money.

✓ For example, I tried cooking for a year, and now I can make simple meals, which saves me money.

Use a year, not the year, when referring to an unspecified period of one year. The phrase for a year describes the duration of the cooking experience. Which saves me money also matches the present result expressed by now I can make simple meals.

× But if someone is very busy,

✓ However, if someone is very busy, they may not have enough time to try new things.

The original text ends with an incomplete if-clause. An if-clause must be followed by a main clause. Adding they may not have enough time to try new things completes the sentence and clearly expresses the result.