Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the question directly by saying whether you had opportunities and whether you took them. Avoid unclear phrases such as “my version as a child,” “intro,” and “participate really much on activities.” Use “I was quite introverted,” “I did not take part in many activities,” and “participate in activities.” Also, avoid repeating “I don’t like” and finish with one specific reason or example.

例: I had a few opportunities to try new activities as a child, but I rarely took them because I was quite introverted. For example, I avoided joining school clubs or community events because I felt uncomfortable around large groups. Looking back, I wish I had been more willing to participate.

提案: Your opinion is clear and you provide a relevant reason, but some expressions are unnatural and repetitive. Replace “prove and also to show” with “discover their strengths and interests,” and replace “find whether if the hobby is suitable” with “find out whether a hobby suits them.” Use a more natural structure with one or two specific supporting details, such as discovering a talent or choosing a future career.

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities whenever possible. By doing so, they can discover their interests and find out which hobbies suit their personality and abilities. For example, someone who tries photography or coding might discover a talent that could eventually become a career.

× I have to tell you that my version as a child is intro a bit sound like introvert

✓ I have to tell you that, as a child, I was a bit introverted.

The sentence refers to the student's childhood, so the past tense was is needed instead of the present-tense verb is. Introverted is the correct adjective; introvert is normally a noun.

× my version as a child is intro a bit sound like introvert

✓ As a child, I was a bit introverted.

The original clause has an incorrect and incomplete verb structure: is ... sound like. A clear sentence structure is subject + was + adjective: I was a bit introverted.

× sound like introvert

✓ was a bit introverted

Introvert is a noun referring to a person, whereas introverted is the adjective needed to describe the student's personality. The phrase sound like is also unnecessary because the intended meaning is that the student was introverted.

× I don't want to participate really much on activities and communities

✓ I didn't really want to participate in activities and communities.

Because the student is describing childhood, the past-tense form didn't want is more appropriate than don't want. The adverb really should come before much, and the sentence should use the preposition in before participate.

× participate really much on activities and communities

✓ participate in activities and communities

The verb participate is followed by the preposition in, not on. The standard pattern is participate in something.

× I don't like participating in

✓ I didn't like participating in them.

The phrase participating in is incomplete because it needs an object. The pronoun them refers back to activities and communities. Since the sentence describes the past, didn't like is also appropriate.

× whether if the hobby is suitable for them

✓ whether the hobby is suitable for them

Whether and if should not normally be used together in the same indirect question. Use either whether the hobby is suitable for them or if the hobby is suitable for them.

× whether if the hobby is suitable for them

✓ whether a hobby is suitable for them

The student is discussing hobbies in general, not one previously identified hobby. Therefore, the indefinite article a is more appropriate than the definite article the.

× It's a way for them to prove and also to show and maybe it's an opportunity to find whether if the hobby is suitable for them and might be their career in the future.

✓ It is a way for them to learn about themselves and discover whether a hobby is suitable for them and could become their career in the future.

The original sentence contains incomplete verb complements in prove and show and combines several ideas with repeated and. Using complete verb phrases such as learn about themselves and discover whether makes the sentence grammatically complete and easier to follow.