Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the question directly with a complete topic sentence, then give a few specific examples. Avoid repeating or correcting yourself, as in “or some something,” and use correct parallel phrasing: “ballet, English, painting, and piano classes.” Also, finish your answer instead of ending with “I think.”

例: Yes, my mum often encouraged me to try different activities when I was a child. She signed me up for ballet, English, painting, and piano classes. I enjoyed piano the most because I liked learning new songs and performing them for my family.

提案: State your opinion naturally by saying “In my opinion” rather than “in my perspective, I think.” Improve grammar and word choice: use “discover their hobbies” or “find something they are talented at,” and say “the activity I’m most keen on” instead of “the one that I keen on.” Link your reason and example clearly, and avoid unnecessary words such as “for example, like me.”

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because this helps them discover their interests and talents. For instance, I tried several classes as a child, but I found that I was most keen on piano. As a result, I have continued learning it up to now.

× Yes, of course when I was a child my mum usually signed me up for various classes related to art such as ballet class English class, painting class or some something like piano classes.

✓ Yes, of course, when I was a child, my mum usually signed me up for various classes related to art, such as ballet classes, English classes, painting classes, or something like piano classes.

The noun classes is plural because the student is referring to several different types of classes. Therefore, the examples should also use plural forms: ballet classes, English classes, and painting classes.

× Yeah, in my perspective, I think that is a good way for people to try to find their hobbies or maybe to find something that they talent in.

✓ Yeah, from my perspective, I think that is a good way for people to try to find their hobbies or maybe to find something that they are talented in.

The standard preposition is from in the expression from my perspective. In my perspective is not the usual prepositional expression in English.

× Yeah, in my perspective, I think that is a good way for people to try to find their hobbies or maybe to find something that they talent in.

✓ Yeah, from my perspective, I think that is a good way for people to try to find their hobbies or maybe to find something that they are talented in.

The clause they talent in is incomplete because talented is an adjective and needs the linking verb are. The correct structure is they are talented in something. You can also say something in which they are talented.

× For example, like me, I find that Piano class is the one that I keen on the most so I continue to learn it now.

✓ For example, like me, I find that piano class is the one that I am keen on the most, so I continue to learn it now.

The adjective keen must be used with the linking verb am when the subject is I. The structure is I am keen on something, not I keen on something. Also, piano should not be capitalized because it is a common noun.