Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer directly in the past tense: say that you had several opportunities as a child. Avoid unnatural phrases such as “I have quite opportunities,” “as I am a child,” and “there are counts of the competitions.” Use “extracurricular activities” instead of “after-class activities,” remove repetition such as “after after,” and connect your examples clearly with “for example” or “as a result.”

例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities when I was a child. For example, I took dancing and piano lessons after school. I also joined a few competitions, which helped me become more confident and discover what I enjoyed.

提案: Give your opinion in a clear topic sentence, then provide two logical reasons. Correct the grammar in “because of different things can bring” and avoid repetition such as “they will and they will.” Use natural expressions like “gain new experiences,” “discover their abilities,” “push their boundaries,” and “step outside their comfort zone.” Finish with a specific result or example.

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because this allows them to gain new experiences and discover their strengths. In addition, trying unfamiliar things can help them push their boundaries and become more adaptable. For example, someone who tries public speaking may gradually become much more confident.

× I have quite opportunities to take part in the new activities as I am a child, because I learned a lot of activities and after after class activities like dancing, playing the piano and some kind of things like that.

✓ I had quite a few opportunities to take part in new activities when I was a child because I learned many things through after-school activities, such as dancing and playing the piano.

The question asks about the student's childhood, so the answer should use the past tense. Use had instead of have and was instead of am. When describing a finished period in the past, keep the main verbs in the past tense. Suggested improvement: identify the time period first and then use past-tense verbs consistently.

× I have quite opportunities to take part in the new activities as I am a child, because I learned a lot of activities and after after class activities like dancing, playing the piano and some kind of things like that.

✓ I had quite a few opportunities to take part in new activities when I was a child because I learned many things through after-school activities, such as dancing and playing the piano.

Quite cannot directly modify the plural countable noun opportunities in this sentence. Use quite a few opportunities or many opportunities. Also, activities are not usually learned; people take part in activities or learn skills through activities. Suggested improvement: use quite a few or many with plural countable nouns.

× I have quite opportunities to take part in the new activities as I am a child, because I learned a lot of activities and after after class activities like dancing, playing the piano and some kind of things like that.

✓ I had quite a few opportunities to take part in new activities when I was a child because I learned many things through after-school activities, such as dancing and playing the piano.

The definite article the is unnecessary before new activities because the speaker is referring to activities in general, not specific activities already identified. The phrase after after class should be replaced with after-school activities. Suggested improvement: use no article when talking about general plural nouns.

× So by the way, there are counts of the competitions I can join in.

✓ There were lots of competitions that I could take part in.

The original phrase there are counts of is not a correct there-be construction. Use there were because the answer refers to past childhood experiences, and use lots of competitions as the correct noun phrase. Suggested improvement: use there was or there were followed by the noun that exists.

× So by the way, there are counts of the competitions I can join in.

✓ There were lots of competitions that I could take part in.

Because the student is talking about childhood, the past-tense forms were and could are needed instead of are and can. Suggested improvement: when describing past opportunities, use could to describe ability or possibility in the past.

× I think people should try as many different things as they can because of different things can bring their new feelings to people and they will and they will find the limits they can do and what the limit they can break and bring A and also it really helps people to make the new growth and to get out of the comfort zone.

✓ I think people should try as many different things as they can because different experiences can bring new feelings to people. They can discover their limits, find out which limits they can break, and achieve personal growth. This can also help people get out of their comfort zones.

The original sentence contains several clauses joined without a clear grammatical structure. Because cannot be followed by because of plus a complete clause, and the repeated phrase they will creates an incomplete structure. The ideas should be divided into shorter, complete sentences with parallel verb forms: discover, find out, and achieve. Suggested improvement: use one main idea per sentence and check that each clause has a clear subject and verb.

× I think people should try as many different things as they can because of different things can bring their new feelings to people and they will and they will find the limits they can do and what the limit they can break and bring A and also it really helps people to make the new growth and to get out of the comfort zone.

✓ I think people should try as many different things as they can because different experiences can bring new feelings to people. They can discover their limits, find out which limits they can break, and achieve personal growth. This can also help people get out of their comfort zones.

The definite article the is not needed before general plural or uncountable nouns such as new feelings and personal growth. The phrase the comfort zone should be changed to their comfort zones because the sentence refers to people's individual comfort zones. Suggested improvement: avoid the when discussing general ideas, but use possessive determiners such as their when the noun belongs to a specific group.

× I think people should try as many different things as they can because of different things can bring their new feelings to people and they will and they will find the limits they can do and what the limit they can break and bring A and also it really helps people to make the new growth and to get out of the comfort zone.

✓ I think people should try as many different things as they can because different experiences can bring new feelings to people. They can discover their limits, find out which limits they can break, and achieve personal growth. This can also help people get out of their comfort zones.

The phrase the comfort zone is singular, but the sentence refers to the separate comfort zones of people in general. The plural form comfort zones is more appropriate, especially with the possessive determiner their. Suggested improvement: use a plural noun when referring to several people or several separate things.