Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答有明确观点，也提供了音乐课和游泳课等具体例子，内容方向是合适的。但开头“You as I did”不自然，句子过长且缺少清晰停顿；“out of school comfort”表达错误，最后一句没有完成，影响连贯性和有效性。建议使用“Actually, my parents...”直接回答，并用“because”“As a result”等连接词组织原因和结果。控制在3—4个完整句子内，准确表达“走出舒适区”（step outside my comfort zone）。

例: Yes, my parents encouraged me to try different activities when I was a child. For example, I took music and swimming lessons because they wanted me to learn new skills and make friends. As a result, I became more confident and developed a strong interest in music. I even performed at a school event, which helped me step outside my comfort zone.

提案: 回答结构较好：先表达观点，再举例，最后补充平衡观点；内容也比较具体。不过“discover choose interest”语法错误，应改为“discover their interests”或“find out what they enjoy”；第二句过长，缺少标点和连接词；“so while”衔接不自然。建议使用“However”“For instance”“Therefore”等连接词，并将长句拆分为短句，使表达更自然、清晰。

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because this helps them discover their interests and develop new skills. For instance, I tried cooking and photography last year, and I found that I really enjoyed taking photos. However, people do not need to continue every activity they try. They should focus on the ones they enjoy most and gradually improve at them.

× You as I did my parents encouraged me to try different activities when I was a child, such as music lessons and swimming lessons because they wanted me to learn new skills and make friends.

✓ Yes, I did. My parents encouraged me to try different activities when I was a child, such as music lessons and swimming lessons, because they wanted me to learn new skills and make friends.

原句开头“You as I did”结构不完整，不能正确表达肯定回答。应改为“Yes, I did.”，然后开始新的完整句子。注意：回答一般疑问句时，可以使用“Yes, I did.”。

× Those experiences helped me build confidence and discover an interest in music and I even enjoyed performing once out of school comfort which made me

✓ Those experiences helped me build confidence and discover an interest in music, and I even enjoyed performing, which helped me step outside my comfort zone.

原句使用两个“and”连接多个意思，但连接关系不清晰；同时“which made me”后面没有完整补充内容。可以使用逗号加“and”连接两个独立分句，并将后半部分改为“which helped me step outside my comfort zone”。

× Those experiences helped me build confidence and discover an interest in music and I even enjoyed performing once out of school comfort which made me

✓ Those experiences helped me build confidence and discover an interest in music, and I even enjoyed performing, which helped me step outside my comfort zone.

原句最后的“which made me”没有完成谓语结构。“make me”后面通常需要接形容词或动词原形，例如“made me confident”或“made me feel confident”。这里改为完整的“which helped me step outside my comfort zone”。

× Well, I think people should try different things because it helps them discover choose interest and acquire new skills.

✓ Well, I think people should try different things because this helps them discover their interests and acquire new skills.

“discover choose interest”不是正确的英语结构。“discover”后面应接名词或名词短语，因此改为“discover their interests”。另外，“this”指代前面的“try different things”，使句子结构更清楚。

× For example, last year I tried cooking and photography and I discovered I really enjoyed taking photos so while it's good to experiment.

✓ For example, last year I tried cooking and photography, and I discovered that I really enjoyed taking photos. Although it is good to experiment, people should also focus on developing the activities they enjoy most.

原句连续使用多个“and”和“so”，导致句子过长，逻辑关系不清楚。“while”引导的让步从句也没有和主句正确连接。可以拆分句子，并使用“Although it is good to experiment”引出完整主句。

× so while it's good to experiment.

✓ Although it is good to experiment, people should also focus on developing the activities they enjoy most.

“while it's good to experiment”只是从句，不能单独作为完整句子使用。需要补充主句，例如“people should also focus on...”组成完整句子。