Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, use past tense for childhood, and organise into a clear topic sentence plus specific supporting detail. Avoid conditional confusion ("if I have chance") when speaking about the past. Use linking words and varied vocabulary (e.g., "environmental projects", "extracurricular activities"). Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes. As a child I joined several environmental clubs at school which organized clean-ups and tree-planting events. These activities helped me develop teamwork and leadership skills, and I believe they strengthened my CV when I later applied to study abroad.

提案: Give a clear opinion (Yes/No) in the topic sentence, then support it with specific reasons and an example. Correct grammar ("it depends on the person"). Use linking words such as "however" or "for example" and aim for concise phrasing. Replace vague phrases like "experience about their life" with concrete benefits (skills, confidence, career advantages).

例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because it broadens their skills and perspectives. For example, taking up volunteering or a new hobby can build confidence and real-world experience, whereas spending all free time on social media may limit personal growth.

× I think if I have chance I would like to participate in some programs in my school year because in my childhood there are lots of eco friendly programs that can affect my CV and I would like to participate in them because in the future I hope to study abroad.

✓ I think if I had the chance I would have liked to participate in some programs during my school years, because when I was a child there were lots of eco-friendly programs that could have strengthened my CV, and I would have liked to join them because in the future I hope to study abroad.

The sentence mixes present and past inappropriately. Use conditional past 'if I had the chance' with 'would have liked' to refer to past unreal opportunities. Also change 'in my school year' to 'during my school years' and 'in my childhood there are' to past 'when I was a child there were'. Use 'eco-friendly' hyphenated and 'could have strengthened' for potential past effect. Suggestion: maintain consistent tense for hypothetical past events and use correct time expressions.

× I think if I have chance I would like to participate in some programs in my school year because in my childhood there are lots of eco friendly programs that can affect my CV and I would like to participate in them because in the future I hope to study abroad.

✓ I think if I had the chance I would have liked to participate in some programs during my school years, because when I was a child there were lots of eco-friendly programs that could have strengthened my CV, and I would have liked to join them because in the future I hope to study abroad.

Prepositions 'in my school year' and 'in my childhood' are awkward. Use 'during my school years' for a period and 'when I was a child' for childhood. Also 'participate in them' is okay but 'join them' is more natural. Suggestion: choose prepositions that match time periods: 'during' for spans, 'when' for points in life.

× I think if I have chance I would like to participate in some programs in my school year because in my childhood there are lots of eco friendly programs that can affect my CV and I would like to participate in them because in the future I hope to study abroad.

✓ I think if I had the chance I would have liked to participate in some programs during my school years, because when I was a child there were lots of eco-friendly programs that could have strengthened my CV, and I would have liked to join them because in the future I hope to study abroad.

The modal phrase 'could affect my CV' is better expressed as 'could have strengthened my CV' to indicate a potential impact in the past. Use past participle 'strengthened' with 'have' to form the perfect modal. Suggestion: use perfect modal forms (could have + past participle) to talk about unrealized past possibilities.

× Maybe yes, but generally it's depend on the person.

✓ Maybe yes, but generally it depends on the person.

Subject-verb agreement and tense: 'it' as subject requires 'depends' (third person singular present). 'Depend' is base form and incorrect here. Suggestion: use 'depends' for general truths about a subject.

× Some people just like scrolling or spending their free time with social media but people who attend in such activities can improve their lifestyle and get enough experience about their life.

✓ Some people just like scrolling or spending their free time on social media, but people who take part in such activities can improve their lifestyle and gain valuable life experience.

Use preposition 'on' with 'spend time on social media'. 'Attend in' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'take part in' or 'attend such activities' without 'in'. 'Get enough experience about their life' is awkward; use 'gain valuable life experience'. Also replace 'spending their free time with social media' with 'on social media'. Suggestion: use correct verb-preposition combinations and more natural collocations.

× Some people just like scrolling or spending their free time with social media but people who attend in such activities can improve their lifestyle and get enough experience about their life.

✓ Some people just like scrolling or spending their free time on social media, but people who take part in such activities can improve their lifestyle and gain valuable life experience.

'Spending time with social media' is not idiomatic; use 'spend time on social media'. 'Attend in' is ungrammatical; use 'take part in' or 'attend such activities' (no 'in'). Suggestion: learn common preposition patterns with verbs (spend time on, take part in).

× Some people just like scrolling or spending their free time with social media but people who attend in such activities can improve their lifestyle and get enough experience about their life.

✓ Some people just like scrolling or spending their free time on social media, but people who take part in such activities can improve their lifestyle and gain valuable life experience.

'Enough experience about their life' is incorrect word choice; 'valuable life experience' is a natural adjective-noun combination. 'Improve their lifestyle' is acceptable but 'lifestyle' improvements are better described as 'improve their quality of life' if desired. Suggestion: choose collocations that native speakers use (valuable experience, quality of life).