Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar and tense, and give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words (umm) and redundant phrases. Also correct verb forms (e.g., 'I started participating' not 'I'm start participate') and use singular/plural appropriately.

例: I had that opportunity. I started participating in new activities when I was about three or four; for example, I joined a Thai classical dance club. We practised every Friday, which helped me make many friends and improve my confidence.

提案: Give a clear opinion sentence, then support it with specific, coherent reasons using linking words. Use correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., 'learn new things', 'gain experience', 'meet new people', 'develop ourselves'). Avoid vague phrases like 'do with the moving' or 'learn news'.

例: Yes, I think people should try different activities. First, trying new things helps you gain experience and learn new skills; for instance, taking part in a dance class taught me discipline. Second, it helps you meet new people and expand your social circle, which can be useful later in life.

× Well, umm, it's very interesting question.

✓ Well, umm, it's a very interesting question.

Missing article 'a' before singular countable noun 'question'. This is an article error and affects present tense sentence structure; add 'a' to make it grammatically correct.

× I'm start participate in the new activities and I was about 3 to 4 years old.

✓ I started participating in new activities when I was about 3 to 4 years old.

Multiple issues: incorrect verb tense and form. 'I'm start participate' is ungrammatical. Use past tense 'started' to match 'was about 3 to 4 years old', and change 'participate' to gerund 'participating' after 'started'. This corrects tense and verb + -ing form errors.

× I'm joining the Thai Classics dancing club and we do practice Thai dancings every Friday and I have a lot of friends.

✓ I joined the Thai classical dance club, and we practiced Thai dances every Friday; I also had a lot of friends.

Several corrections: 'Thai Classics' should be 'Thai classical' (adjective form), 'dancing club' → 'dance club', and 'do practice' is awkward—use simple past 'practiced' to match past timeframe. 'Thai dancings' is incorrect plural; use 'Thai dances'. Adjusting verb tenses ensures consistency and correct adjective use.

× Uh, I think they should because when we learn the new thing, we will have more experience to do with the moving and also we get connect to new people.

✓ Uh, I think they should, because when we learn new things, we will gain more experience with movement and also connect with new people.

Several targeted fixes fitting listed types: 'the new thing' → 'new things' (quantifier/plural), 'have more experience to do with the moving' is incorrect phrasing—use 'gain more experience with movement' or 'gain more practical experience'. 'we get connect to new people' should be 'connect with new people'. This addresses modal usage (should), pluralization, preposition use, and verb forms.

× So we have the new socials that we can participate and also we can, umm, develop ourself to learn news.

✓ So we have new social activities to participate in, and we can also develop ourselves to learn new things.

Errors: 'the new socials' is unnatural—use 'new social activities'. 'participate' requires the preposition 'in'. 'develop ourself' uses incorrect reflexive pronoun; use plural 'ourselves'. 'learn news' is incorrect collocation; use 'learn new things'. This fixes pronoun, preposition, and noun choice issues.