Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve accuracy, coherence and specificity. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammatical errors, and add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy and keep responses to no more than five sentences.

例: Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, my mother enrolled me in ballet and piano lessons, which helped me develop discipline and coordination. In addition, she encouraged me to join Chinese-speaking contests, so I became more confident in public speaking and improved my language skills.

提案: Make the response more concise and fluent. Give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific reasons with linking words (for example, because/for instance), and avoid vague phrases like ‘new emotion’. Use more precise vocabulary such as ‘experience, skills, perspective’.

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because new experiences broaden your perspective and build useful skills. For instance, learning a musical instrument can improve concentration, while travelling can increase cultural awareness, which is valuable in both personal and professional life.

× My mum always encouraged me to take new activities such as ballet or piano.

✓ My mum always encouraged me to try new activities such as ballet or piano.

The original sentence uses 'take new activities', which is an unnatural collocation in English. The verb 'try' correctly collocates with 'activities'. This falls under singular/plural/word-choice issues in usage. Suggestion: use verbs that naturally pair with the noun (try, take up, learn) and keep noun phrase unchanged.

× On top of that, she always pushed me to presentation like Chinese speaking.

✓ On top of that, she always pushed me to give presentations, such as Chinese speaking.

The original phrase 'pushed me to presentation' is ungrammatical. A verb phrase like 'pushed me to give presentations' or 'pushed me into presenting' is required. Also 'Chinese speaking' is unclear; 'Chinese speaking' as a noun phrase is awkward, so 'presentations in Chinese' or 'Chinese presentations' is better. Suggestion: use a verb+object structure ('pushed me to give presentations') and clarify language ('in Chinese').

× Yes, I think personally people should be trying new things as they can mainly because new experience can give them new emotion and expertise.

✓ Yes, I personally think people should try as many new things as they can, mainly because new experiences can give them new emotions and expertise.

Multiple issues: 'should be trying' is an acceptable progressive but here simple 'should try' is more natural. 'as they can' should be 'as they can' preceded by 'many' to indicate quantity: 'as many new things as they can'. 'new experience' and 'new emotion' should be plural: 'new experiences' and 'new emotions'. Also word order 'I think personally' is better as 'I personally think'. Suggestion: use simple modal form ('should try'), include quantifier 'many', and pluralize countable nouns.