Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับให้เป็นภาษาอังกฤษที่เป็นธรรมชาติและไหลลื่นมากขึ้น โดยเริ่มด้วยประโยคตอบตรงคำถาม แล้วตามด้วยรายละเอียดที่ชัดเจน ใช้คำเชื่อมเมื่อให้เหตุผลหรือผลลัพธ์ และหลีกเลี่ยงข้อผิดไวยากรณ์ เช่น tense และ collocation (เช่น say “I had” แทน “I have” สำหรับอดีต, “I enjoyed it” แทน “I feel very enjoyable”) รวมทั้งจำกัดความยาวไม่เกิน 4–5 ประโยค และเพิ่มรายละเอียดเฉพาะเจาะจงมากขึ้น เช่น ชื่อเครื่องดนตรีหรือบทบาทของคุณ

例: Yes, I had several opportunities to join school activities. For instance, I played the trumpet in the school band for two years. This role improved my confidence because I often performed in front of large audiences. I also enjoyed practicing with my classmates, which helped me develop teamwork skills.

提案: ทำให้โครงสร้างประโยคกระชับและเป็นธรรมชาติมากขึ้น เริ่มด้วยประโยคหลักที่ชัดเจน แล้วใช้คำเชื่อม (such as, for example, which helps) เพื่อขยายความ พร้อมให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะเจาะจงเกี่ยวกับทักษะหรือมุมมองที่จะได้ และแก้ไขไวยากรณ์ เช่น “in their youth” หรือ “when they are young” แทน “in their young age” และใช้รูปแบบที่ถูกต้องของคำนาม (volunteer work, part-time jobs)

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things when they are young. Trying new activities, such as volunteering or part-time jobs, helps them develop practical skills and broaden their perspectives. For example, volunteering can improve communication skills, while a part-time job can teach responsibility and time management.

× Yes, I have some opportunities to take part in school shows.

✓ Yes, I had some opportunities to take part in school shows.

The examiner's question uses the past 'Did you have...', so the student should use past tense to match the time frame. Change 'have' (present) to 'had' (past) to maintain correct tense consistency.

× For example, I take part in musical performance as a musician in school band.

✓ For example, I took part in musical performances as a musician in the school band.

Because the context is past events, use the past tense 'took' rather than present 'take'. Also, 'musical performance' should be plural 'musical performances' to match 'opportunities', and include the article 'the' before 'school band' for specificity.

× So this experience helped me gain my confidence and I feel very enjoyable.

✓ So this experience helped me gain confidence and I felt very happy.

Mixing past 'helped' with present 'feel' is inconsistent; both should be past. 'Gain my confidence' is better as 'gain confidence' (no possessive). 'Enjoyable' is an adjective describing things, not a feeling; use 'happy' or 'enjoyed' to describe the student's feeling. Here 'I felt very happy' correctly expresses the past feeling.

× In my opinion, people should try many things in their young age because these experiences can gain their skills and their perspective, for example, be in part of a volunteer work or part time work

✓ In my opinion, people should try many things when they are young because these experiences can help them gain skills and broaden their perspective, for example, taking part in volunteer work or part-time work.

Use 'when they are young' instead of 'in their young age' for natural phrasing. 'Can gain their skills and their perspective' is awkward: use 'can help them gain skills and broaden their perspective.' After 'for example,' use a gerund phrase 'taking part in' to show the action. 'Volunteer work' does not need an article and 'part-time' should be hyphenated when used as an adjective.