Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical, start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details linked with simple connectors. Correct grammar (e.g., 'varieties of' → 'a variety of', 'help elderly people Cross Road' → 'help elderly people cross the road') and finish the answer properly. Keep it to 2–4 sentences and avoid sentence fragments.

例: Yes. My school offered a variety of activities, so I tried many new things. For example, I volunteered to help elderly people cross the road near the school, and I also anchored the annual school festival, which improved my confidence and public speaking skills.

提案: Give a direct opinion sentence, then support it with clear reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'for example'). Avoid repetition and awkward phrases ('fascinates the inner sense' is unclear). Use precise vocabulary like 'explore', 'discover', 'develop a hobby' and end with a complete concluding sentence.

例: Yes, people should try many different things because it helps them discover interests and skills. For example, trying sports or music can lead to a lasting hobby or career, and overall it broadens your perspective and confidence.

× I have had many opportunities given to me as a child in my school to participate in varieties of activities.

✓ I had many opportunities at my school as a child to participate in a variety of activities.

Use of tense and prepositions: 'have had' is unnecessary for a past time reference 'as a child' so simple past 'had' is better (Present perfect is for unspecified past). 'given to me as a child in my school' is wordy and awkward; 'at my school as a child' is clearer. 'varieties of activities' is incorrect preposition/word choice; use 'a variety of activities' to mean different kinds of activities.

× Activities such as volunteering to help elderly people Cross Road near my school and also having an opportunity to get up on stage and do the anchoring for the annual school fest.

✓ Activities included volunteering to help elderly people who crossed the road near my school, and getting up on stage to anchor the annual school fest.

Sentence fragment and preposition use: The original is not a complete sentence and misuses 'Cross Road'—likely intended 'cross the road' or 'who crossed the road'. Use '-ing' forms consistently or convert to past participle: 'included volunteering' and 'getting up on stage to anchor'. Also use 'who crossed the road' to describe people and avoid capitalized 'Cross Road'.

× Those were one of the most.

✓ Those were some of the best experiences.

Fragment and idiom error: 'Those were one of the most' is ungrammatical because 'one of the most' must modify a singular noun and needs completion ('one of the most memorable experiences'). Better to use 'some of the best experiences' or 'one of the most memorable experiences' to complete the thought.

× I certainly believe that trying new things not only fascinates the inner sense in people to try new more things, but I believe that people should absolutely try varieties of different things in their life as they might develop a new hobby or a passion for something which they particularly like about.

✓ I certainly believe that trying new things not only fascinates people and encourages them to try more, but that people should try a variety of different activities in their lives because they might discover a new hobby or passion they really enjoy.

Tense and awkward phrasing: 'fascinates the inner sense in people to try new more things' is ungrammatical and awkward. Use simple present 'fascinates people and encourages them to try more' to express general truth. 'Varieties of different things' is incorrect; use 'a variety of different activities' or 'a variety of activities'. 'in their life' should be plural 'in their lives'. 'which they particularly like about' is redundant and misplaced; use 'they really enjoy' or 'they particularly like'.

× And they are.

✓ And they often discover new interests.

Fragment: 'And they are.' is incomplete and does not convey meaning. Replace with a complete clause that finishes the idea, such as 'And they often discover new interests.'