Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct small grammar issues (e.g., "many opportunities" instead of "much opportunities"), and add one specific supporting detail to illustrate your childhood routine. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and use linking words like "so" or "therefore" if explaining a consequence.

例: Not really — I didn’t have many opportunities to try new activities as a child. My routine was very simple: I went to school, came home for lunch, studied in the afternoon, and went to bed at nine o’clock. Because my parents wanted me to focus on school, I rarely joined clubs or classes outside of school.

提案: Provide a clearer topic sentence and add a specific reason or example. Replace awkward phrasing like "every experience you make" with "every experience they have" and use a linking word (e.g., "for example" or "because") to expand. Aim for 2–3 sentences with a concrete example to illustrate the benefit.

例: Yes, people should try different things because new experiences help them learn and grow. For example, joining a volunteer group or learning a musical instrument can build practical skills and confidence that are useful later in life.

× I didn't have much opportunities back then.

✓ I didn't have many opportunities back then.

Countable plural noun 'opportunities' requires 'many' (not 'much'). Use 'many' with plural countable nouns; 'much' is used with uncountable nouns. Suggestion: replace 'much' with 'many' when referring to countable items.

× It was it was in the same sequence every day, going to school, going back from school, eat lunch, studying and then sleep at nine PM.

✓ It was the same routine every day: going to school, coming back from school, eating lunch, studying and then sleeping at nine PM.

Repetition 'It was it was' is redundant; 'sequence' is less natural than 'routine'. Parallel verb forms are needed in the list (gerunds): 'going', 'coming', 'eating', 'studying', 'sleeping'. Use 'coming back' instead of 'going back' for returning. Also use 'at nine PM' unchanged, but ensure parallel -ing forms for consistency. Suggestion: remove duplicate phrase and make all list items gerunds for parallel structure.

× Yes, I think they should because every experience you make in your life gives you more life experience and knowledge.

✓ Yes, I think they should, because every experience you have in your life gives you more experience and knowledge.

The verb phrase 'make experience' is incorrect in English; the correct collocation is 'have experience' or simply 'experience'. Also 'life experience' is redundant with 'experience' here; simplify to 'experience and knowledge'. Keep tense consistent: present simple 'have' and 'gives' are appropriate. Suggestion: use 'have' instead of 'make' and avoid repetition by removing 'life' before 'experience' or rephrase as 'gives you more life experience and knowledge' if desired.