Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm, uh), correct minor grammar, and include a brief specific detail (e.g., age or how often). Use one or two linking words if adding extra information.

例: Yes. As a child I often took part in new activities; for example, when I was ten my parents signed me up for piano concerts, and I performed in a local recital once a year to gain confidence.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence then two concise supporting points with correct grammar and smoother linking words. Avoid vague phrases (like, attend into) and use specific examples. Keep under five sentences.

例: Yes, definitely. Trying different activities helps you develop a range of skills and becomes easier to manage multiple tasks. For example, many people in Thailand join volunteer programs and part-time clubs to gain practical experience and build teamwork skills.

× So my par uh, my parents and Tisha, they signed me up for the piano concert because they think that I can do it at that time.

✓ So my parents and Tisha signed me up for the piano concert because they thought I could do it at that time.

Mix of past and present tenses: 'signed' is past, but 'think' and 'can' are present. Use past tense consistently ('thought', 'could') because the signing occurred in the past. Also removed filler words and redundant subject to make the sentence clearer. Suggestion: Keep past events in past tense (signed, thought, could).

× Yes, I used to attend umm umm, the concert, the piano concert.

✓ Yes, I used to attend piano concerts.

Article use and noun number: 'the concert, the piano concert' is awkward and repetitive. When speaking of attending such events in general, plural 'piano concerts' without 'the' is natural. Also 'used to' implies habitual past, so plural fits. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for habitual activities and avoid unnecessary definite articles unless referring to a specific event.

× Well not only it can help you to improve the skills but it also create like multitasking skill for you.

✓ Well, not only can it help you improve your skills, but it can also create multitasking skills for you.

Word order and auxiliary placement: With 'not only' at the start of the clause, invert subject and auxiliary ('not only can it...'). Verb form error: 'create' should be 'create' with 'can' present; but consistency suggests 'can also create' or 'can also help create'. Also 'improve the skills' should be 'improve your skills' and 'multitasking skill' should be plural 'multitasking skills'. Remove filler 'like'. Suggestion: Use correct inversion after 'not only' and ensure pronouns and pluralization fit the meaning.

× For example, many people in Thailand they attend into like many volunteered to gain some experience.

✓ For example, many people in Thailand volunteer for many activities to gain experience.

Misuse of prepositions and verb forms: 'attend into' is incorrect; 'attend' is used with events or places (attend a class), but here 'volunteer' is better. The original mixes tenses and has extra fillers ('they', 'like', 'many'). Use 'volunteer for' or simply 'volunteer' and 'activities' to clarify. Also change 'volunteered' to present 'volunteer' to match general statement. Suggestion: Simplify structure: 'many people in Thailand volunteer for activities to gain experience.' Use present simple for general truths.