Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy, clarity and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense/use of verbs, and avoid redundancy. Add one or two specific supporting details (e.g., how long you sang, what you learned) and use a linking word to connect ideas. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes. I enjoyed singing as a child, so I joined my local church choir when I was about ten. I sang with the choir for three years, which helped me improve my vocal control and confidence. Overall, it was an amazing experience because I made friends and performed at community events.

提案: Make your opinion concise and support it with specific reasons/examples. Avoid fillers like 'you know' and repetition. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore, moreover) to structure your answer and finish with a brief conclusion. Limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I think people should try many different things because life is short and new experiences help us learn. For example, trying different jobs or hobbies can reveal strengths and increase confidence. Therefore, when opportunities arise, it’s worth giving them a try.

× Of course I have when I was a child.

✓ Of course I did when I was a child.

The student mixed present perfect (have) with a past time expression (when I was a child). Use the simple past 'did' to match the past time reference. Suggestion: use past tense consistently for past events (I did, I liked, I joined).

× I really liked to sing and soon I had a new opportunity.

✓ I really liked singing and soon I had a new opportunity.

'Liked to sing' is not strictly wrong but in spoken narrative 'liked singing' (gerund) is more natural. This is also about consistency of verb forms; keep past tense 'liked' and use gerund for activities. Suggestion: use 'liked singing' or 'liked to sing' consistently.

× It was to join a church choir and I'm joined for this hoyer and that was amazing.

✓ It was to join the church choir and I was joined for this choir and that was amazing.

Multiple issues: 'a church choir' vs 'the church choir' depends on context; if referring to a specific choir that followed, 'the' is better. 'I'm joined' is present tense and passive/incorrect; the intended past is 'I joined' or 'I was asked to join'. 'hoyer' appears to be a typo for 'choir'. Corrected to past tense 'I joined the choir' or 'I was invited to join the choir'. Suggestion: use past simple 'I joined the choir' and correct typos.

× Well, obviously I think people actually should try as many different things as they can because first of all we live only once and I think we can you know we need to try everything because especially if you have this opportunity

✓ Well, obviously I think people should try as many different things as they can because we only live once, and we need to try new things, especially if we have the opportunity.

Run-on and redundant phrases: 'I think' and 'actually' are repetitive, and tense/modal mix 'we can you know we need' is ungrammatical. Simplify to one modal 'should' and keep present general tense 'we live' => 'we only live once'. Remove filler or place it appropriately. Suggestion: streamline sentences, avoid repeated phrases, and finish the thought (include 'have the opportunity').