Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples with brief details. Use linking words (for example, and, such as, also) and avoid redundancy (e.g., “participate in new activities” and “involve in new activities” are repetitive). Correct small grammar issues: use “encouraged me to take part in” or “encouraged me to learn” instead of “encouraged me to involve in.”

例: Yes — I had many chances to try new activities as a child. For example, my parents encouraged me to learn music, so I took keyboard and guitar lessons for several years, which helped me gain confidence and discipline.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence, then give a specific reason and a short example. Avoid vague phrases like “great personality” and “successful person in life”; instead, explain what skills or benefits you mean (e.g., adaptability, confidence). Use a linking word such as “because” or “for example” to connect ideas, and keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I believe people should try new things because it builds useful skills like adaptability and confidence. For example, learning a new language made me more open to different cultures and improved my communication skills.

× My parents always pushed me to study new skills and encouraged me to involve in new activities like learning music, even learning new instruments like keyboard, guitar, etc.

✓ My parents always pushed me to study new skills and encouraged me to get involved in new activities like learning music, even learning new instruments like the keyboard and guitar.

The phrase 'encouraged me to involve in' is incorrect: involve is transitive or reflexive and usually used as 'get involved in' or 'be involved in'. Also 'keyboard, guitar' needs the definite article before instruments or a coordinating conjunction and 'the' before 'keyboard' and 'guitar' improves naturalness. Use 'get involved in' to indicate participation. Avoid 'etc.' in spoken answers; list complete items or say 'and so on.' Suggestion: replace 'encouraged me to involve in' with 'encouraged me to get involved in' and add 'the' before specific instruments or use plural 'instruments such as keyboards and guitars'.

× Definitely people should try new things in their lifetime because learning skills help us to develop a great personality which overall encourages us to become a successful person in life.

✓ Definitely, people should try new things in their lifetime because learning new skills helps us develop strong personalities and overall encourages us to become successful in life.

There are multiple issues: missing comma after 'Definitely' for clarity, 'learning skills help' has subject-verb agreement error because the gerund phrase 'learning new skills' is singular and requires 'helps' (this also maps to present tense/subject-verb agreement). 'Develop a great personality' is unnatural and 'a successful person in life' is redundant; use plural 'personalities' and adjective 'successful' without 'a person in life.' Also insert 'new' before skills to match context. Suggestions: add comma, change 'help' to 'helps', use 'develop strong personalities', and simplify to 'become successful in life'.