Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, remove filler words, and give a clearer topic sentence plus one specific example. Use past tense consistently and link ideas briefly. Aim for 2–3 sentences, e.g., state the activity and one detail about it.

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child I often went to my best friend’s house where we played traditional games like marbles and hopscotch, which made me feel happy and relaxed.

提案: Be more concise and precise: state your opinion clearly, give one or two specific reasons and a short example. Replace vague phrases with concrete language and use linking words (for example, because, so). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different activities because it expands their horizons and helps them discover new interests. For example, taking a cooking class might reveal a talent you didn’t know you had and increase your confidence.

× Oh, just actually when I was a child, I often come to my best friend home to play together.

✓ Oh, actually when I was a child, I often went to my best friend's home to play together.

The original uses 'come' (present) while the time reference 'when I was a child' requires past tense. Also possessive 'best friend home' needs apostrophe-s. Use past simple 'went' and 'best friend's' for correct past-tense narration and possessive form.

× We often have traditional games to uh, play together as well as, uh, have a fun time.

✓ We often played traditional games together and had a fun time.

The phrase 'have traditional games to play together' is awkward and mixes infinitive structure unnecessarily. With past-tense narration, use 'played' and 'had' rather than 'have' and 'to play'. Also 'together' already indicates playing jointly, so simplify to 'played traditional games together and had a fun time.'

× So which really boosts my mood.

✓ That really boosted my mood.

'So which' is an incorrect relative reference and mismatches past narration. Use 'That' as a pronoun referring to the experience, and past-tense 'boosted' to match previous sentences. The original lacks clear subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.

× Well, actually I think people should try as many different things as they can because they can expand their horizons as well as have more experience about this view, or they can find something new and discover this which really boosts their confidence.

✓ Well, I think people should try as many different things as they can because they can expand their horizons, gain more experience, or find something new and discover interests that really boost their confidence.

The original has awkward phrasing 'have more experience about this view' and uses 'which really boosts' with unclear antecedent and singular verb 'boosts' while referring to plural 'interests'. Replace with 'gain more experience' and 'discover interests that really boost their confidence' for clarity and correct subject-verb agreement. Also remove redundant 'actually' and streamline conjunctions.