Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one specific example with a linking word. Avoid redundancy (e.g., 'supportive' and 'used to convince' overlap). Use more natural phrasing and varied vocabulary.

例: Yes. I had several chances to try new activities at school because my parents encouraged me and my teachers organised clubs. For example, I joined the school drama club when I was ten, which helped me gain confidence and meet friends.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and then provide one clear reason with a specific example. Reduce repetition ('every individual' and 'individuals'). Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' and choose concise vocabulary.

例: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it broadens their skills and perspectives. For example, learning a new language or taking up a sport can build confidence and open up new opportunities.

× Actually, yes, I had opportunities to take part in new activities as a child in my school because my parents were supportive and used to convince me to learn new things and my teachers also helped me to get in the opportunities.

✓ Actually, yes. I had opportunities to take part in new activities at school when I was a child because my parents were supportive and encouraged me to learn new things, and my teachers helped me take those opportunities.

The original sentence is long and contains awkward phrasing and coordination problems (Grammar Problem Type ID 26). 'In my school' is unnatural; 'at school' is preferred. 'Used to convince me' is odd here; 'encouraged me' is more natural. 'Helped me to get in the opportunities' is unidiomatic; use 'helped me take those opportunities' or 'helped me get those opportunities'. Break the sentence into clearer clauses and use appropriate verbs to improve clarity and grammar.

× In my perspective, yes, individuals should try as many things as they can because we only get to live this life once and there are so many things in this world to discover and every individual should try and experience things that are beyond their level.

✓ From my perspective, yes, individuals should try as many things as they can because we only live once, there are many things in the world to discover, and everyone should try experiences that are outside their comfort zone.

The original contains pronoun and word-choice issues (Grammar Problem Type ID 12). 'In my perspective' is nonstandard; use 'From my perspective'. 'We only get to live this life once' is wordy — 'we only live once' is idiomatic. 'Every individual' is repetitive after 'individuals'; 'everyone' is smoother. 'Things that are beyond their level' is unclear; 'outside their comfort zone' is a more natural expression. Also, the sentence is long and can be improved by splitting or using commas for clarity.