Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but it is slightly wordy and repeats ideas (e.g., ‘fortunate and privileged’ and repeated ‘used to’). To improve, start with a concise topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Vary sentence structures and use more precise vocabulary (for example, ‘figure skating’ or ‘inline skating’ if applicable). Limit to no more than five sentences and avoid redundancy.

例: Yes, I had many chances to try new activities as a child. For example, I learned to skate from the age of six after my father bought me a pair of roller skates, and I trained every summer. As a result, I competed in several local skating competitions and improved my balance and confidence.

提案: The answer expresses a good idea, but it is repetitive and ends abruptly. Improve by giving a clear topic sentence, then one or two concise reasons with a linking word, and finish with a brief conclusion. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., ‘discover strengths’, ‘preferences’, ‘career paths’) and correct small errors (remove duplicated words, complete the final thought).

例: Yes, people should try a variety of activities, especially when they are young, because this helps them discover their strengths and interests. For instance, trying sports, music, and clubs can reveal talents and guide future study or career choices, so they can make more informed decisions later in life.

× I was fortunate and privileged to have many activities during my childhood.

✓ I was fortunate and privileged to have many opportunities for activities during my childhood.

The original sentence is not ungrammatical but 'to have many activities' is awkward; native usage prefers 'to have many opportunities for activities' or 'to take part in many activities'. Clarify the existence/availability of activities using 'opportunities' to express there were many activities available during childhood.

× I used to be a skater.

✓ I used to skate.

'Used to be a skater' is acceptable but less natural than 'used to skate' when describing a habitual past activity. Use 'used to + base verb' to indicate a past habit. This keeps tense consistent and idiomatic.

× I participated in skating competitions.

✓ I participated in skating competitions.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It uses simple past appropriately to describe past events. No change needed.

× My dad bought me those skates when I was six years old and I used to practice all during my summer.

✓ My dad bought me those skates when I was six years old, and I used to practice throughout the summer.

'I used to practice all during my summer' is unidiomatic and 'all' disrupts the sentence flow. Use 'throughout the summer' or 'all summer' for natural expression. Also add a comma before 'and' to join two independent clauses.

× Yes, indeed, when people People try different things in their early stages of life, they get to experience many things and they understand in which they are naturally good at and what is their liking.

✓ Yes, indeed, when people try different things in the early stages of life, they experience many things and learn what they are naturally good at and what they like.

Errors: duplicated word 'People', awkward phrasing 'they understand in which they are naturally good at' (mixes structure), and 'what is their liking' is nonnative. Use 'learn what they are naturally good at' and 'what they like' for clear, idiomatic expression. Keep tense consistent and avoid unnecessary words.

× So when they grow old or go through the phases of life they work on those

✓ So, as they grow older or go through different life stages, they work on those skills or interests.

Sentence lacks clarity and ends abruptly. 'Grow old' is acceptable but 'grow older' is more natural; add 'different life stages' and specify 'those skills or interests' to refer back to what was mentioned. Include a comma after the introductory clause and end with a complete object to avoid a sentence fragment.