Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答整体自然且信息完整，但可改进的地方有：1) 第一条可以更直接的主题句（例如明确说明是否有机会），避免多余词汇；2) 支持细节中可加入具体细节（比如演讲的主题、准备过程或成绩名次）以增加说服力；3) 可以使用连词使衔接更顺畅；4) 控制句子数量和长度，保持在5句内。建议多练习用一两句概述+2-3句具体细节的结构。

例: Yes, I did. In fifth grade I entered a public speech competition focused on Chinese history. To prepare, I rehearsed daily for two weeks and worked on my breathing and gestures, which helped me overcome stage fright. In the end I won second place, which made me feel very proud and more confident about public speaking.

提案: 回答观点明确但存在重复和泛化问题：1) 多处陈述同一观点导致冗余，应合并相似句子以提高表达效率；2) 缺少具体原因和结果的逻辑关系，可用连词（for example, because, therefore）来增强连贯性；3) 示例太简略，缺少细节说明学到的具体技能或感受；4) 注意用词多样化，避免连续使用“try/trying”。

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it helps them discover talents and build confidence. For instance, when I learned skateboarding as a child, I not only improved my balance and persistence but also learned to cope with failure after several falls. Therefore, experimenting with new activities can lead to personal growth and new interests.

× I did perfectly in the competition and I felt really proud of myself.

✓ I did well in the competition and felt really proud of myself.

句子中“did perfectly”在语义和习惯用法上不自然。英语中常用“did well”来表示在比赛中表现良好；此外并列句中第二个主语“I”可省略以避免重复，故改为“did well in the competition and felt really proud of myself.” 建议：使用更地道的短语（did well）；在并列谓语时可以省略重复主语。

× When trying different things, people can gain a lot from the experience and so it is very important for people to try many different things.

✓ By trying different things, people can gain a lot from the experience, so it is very important for people to try many different things.

原句开头用“When trying different things”作为状语短语语法上虽可，但更自然的表达是使用“By + -ing”来表示“通过尝试……人们可以获得……”。另外句中使用两个并列分句用逗号连接更符合书面表达。建议：用“By trying...”更清晰地传达“通过做某事”的含义，并注意句子连接。

× For example, I tried skateboarding when I was young, it was great.

✓ For example, I tried skateboarding when I was young, and it was great.

原句为逗号拼接两个独立主句，形成逗号拼接错误（comma splice）。应使用连词（如 and）或分号将两个独立分句正确连接。建议：使用“and”连接或将句子拆分为两句以避免逗号拼接错误。