Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: answer directly with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms, and concise supporting details. Use one or two linking phrases to connect ideas. Be specific about what activities were unavailable and what you did instead. Aim for 2–4 sentences, correct tense and articles, and avoid redundancy.

例: I didn’t have many opportunities to try new activities as a child because I was born and raised in a small village. There weren’t clubs or classes nearby, so most of our free time was spent playing outside and hanging out with friends. As a result, I only experienced a limited range of activities until I moved to the city.

提案: Make the response more structured and natural: start with a clear opinion, then give 1–2 specific reasons and an example, using linking words (however, because, for example). Correct awkward phrases and trim repetition. Use precise vocabulary like 'beneficial' or 'risky' instead of vague terms.

例: Yes, I believe people should try a variety of things because it helps them discover new interests and skills. However, they should consider safety and their personal limits—for example, try a cooking class rather than an extreme sport if you’re inexperienced. Personally, I enjoy trying new hobbies because it helps me grow and feel more confident.

× No actually I haven't because I just born in a village, small village.

✓ No, actually I haven't because I was just born in a village, a small village.

The student used 'born' without the required auxiliary verb for the passive past participle construction. 'Born' must be used with a form of 'be' to form the passive (was born). Use 'was born' to indicate birth in the past; also add 'a' before 'small village' for correct article usage. Suggestion: Use 'was born' for someone's birth (past passive) and include appropriate articles: 'I was born in a small village.'

× It was really hard to find activities on the activity for me was going out with my friends and spending time with them and I couldn't have time.

✓ It was really hard to find activities; the activity I did was going out with my friends and spending time with them, so I didn't have much free time.

The original sentence has unclear structure and run-on phrasing. 'on the activity for me was' is ungrammatical. Break into clear clauses: state difficulty, then say what activity was available, then the consequence. Use past tense consistently ('did', 'didn't have') and replace 'couldn't have time' with 'didn't have much free time' for natural expression. Suggestion: Keep one main idea per clause and use correct verb forms: 'the activity I did was...' and 'I didn't have much free time.'

× I think yeah, but they have to be careful about what they try to do if it's safe for them or not.

✓ I think so, yes, but they have to be careful about what they try to do and whether it is safe for them or not.

The sentence is understandable but awkward: 'yeah' and 'so' usage and the conditional 'if it's safe for them or not' is more naturally expressed as 'and whether it is safe for them or not.' Also 'I think so, yes' is a clearer response. Maintain modal 'have to' correctly. Suggestion: Use 'whether' to introduce two alternatives and tidy filler words: 'I think so, yes, but they have to be careful about whether something is safe.'

× But the positively yeah I actually would do that and I'm doing that.

✓ But positively, yes, I actually would do that and I'm doing that now.

The phrase 'the positively' is incorrect; 'positively' can be used as an adverb but needs clearer placement. Adding commas and replacing 'yeah' with 'yes' improves formality. Keep tense consistency: 'would do that' (conditional) followed by 'I'm doing that now' (present continuous) is acceptable if the student means they are currently doing those things; adding 'now' clarifies time. Suggestion: Place adverbs correctly and use consistent, clear tense markers: 'Yes, I would do that, and I'm doing that now.'

× It's really good if you do something right for yourself.

✓ It's really good if you do something that is right for you.

'Right for yourself' is understandable but slightly awkward; 'right for you' is more natural. Also specifying 'that is' helps clarify the relative clause. Use 'you' instead of 'yourself' in this context for smoother grammar. Suggestion: Prefer 'right for you' and include a relative pronoun for clarity: 'do something that is right for you.'