Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and correct verb tense and prepositions (e.g., "I played" not "I play").

例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I played for a local football team called Widad Mostan, which helped me learn teamwork; I also enjoyed riding bikes around my neighborhood to stay active.

提案: Give a clear opinion sentence and then support it with two concise reasons linked logically. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., "life without distance") and reduce filler words. Use cohesive devices like "because" and "for example" to connect ideas and provide specific reasons or a brief example.

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it helps them discover their strengths and build resilience. For example, trying new hobbies or jobs can teach useful skills and make it easier to cope with challenges later.

× Yeah, for sure. I have a lot of opportunities like I play to I play with my favorite teams it's called Widad Mostan and new activities like I play a lot with my bikes.

✓ Yeah, for sure. I had a lot of opportunities, for example I played for my favourite team called Widad Mostan, and I did other activities like riding my bike a lot.

Grammar problem type ID:5 Past tense issue; ID:1 Singular and plural issue; ID:27 Subject-verb agreement errors. Explanation: The student is describing childhood experiences, so past tense should be used (had, played, did, rode/ riding). The original mixes present and past and has awkward phrasing 'I play to I play' which is ungrammatical. 'Teams' should be singular if referring to one team; subject-verb agreement and tense must match the time reference. Suggestion: Use past tense verbs for past experiences, simplify sentence into clear clauses, and use correct singular/plural forms (team if one, teams if more than one). Use 'riding my bike' or 'rode my bike' for clarity.

× Yeah, for sure. They need to try and they need to never give up because life without distance.

✓ Yeah, for sure. People should try new things and should never give up, because life involves challenges.

Grammar problem type ID:6 Present tense issue; ID:26 Sentence structure errors; ID:11 Incorrect use of prepositions. Explanation: The original 'need to try and they need to never give up' is repetitive and awkward; 'life without distance' is not a correct idiom and likely intended to mean 'life involves challenges' or 'life is difficult'. Use consistent present simple modal-like structure: 'should try' and 'should never give up.' Replace the unclear phrase with a natural expression. Suggestion: Use 'should' for general advice and choose a clear, idiomatic phrase such as 'life involves challenges' or 'life can be difficult'.

× You can't Oh you can't live well, you need to sacrifice you need to do everything.

✓ You can't; you can't live well without effort. You need to make sacrifices and work hard.

Grammar problem type ID:26 Sentence structure errors; ID:16 Incorrect conjunction use; ID:13 Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs. Explanation: The original repeats 'you can't' and uses 'sacrifice' as a verb without appropriate article or noun phrase; 'do everything' is too broad and awkward. The phrase needs clearer structure and collocations: 'live well without effort' or 'live well without making sacrifices.' Use plural noun 'sacrifices' and a collocation 'work hard' rather than 'do everything.' Suggestion: Combine ideas into concise sentences, use correct collocations, and avoid repetition.