Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy, coherence and clarity. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense errors, remove redundancy, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “because” or “so”). Keep the response to no more than four short sentences.

例: Yes. I had several opportunities at my school to try new activities, especially sports. For example, when I recovered from an illness I joined the school football team and later was voted team captain because I practiced regularly and supported my teammates.

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Begin with a direct opinion sentence, then support it with a clear, relevant example. Use appropriate linking words (for example, “for example” or “as a result”) and avoid awkward phrasing like “one's experience.” Keep vocabulary relevant and precise.

例: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it helps them develop practical skills and broaden their experience. For example, when someone presents a proposal, they learn to revise their draft, respond to feedback and improve as a result of that experience.

× Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities at my school I remember that when I was sick I have the opportunity the chance to join the school football teams and I be I was voted to be a captain

✓ Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities at my school. I remember that when I was sick I had the opportunity to join the school football team, and I was voted captain.

The student mixes past and present tenses incorrectly. The context refers to past events, so verbs should be in the past tense: 'have the opportunity' should be 'had the opportunity'. Also remove redundant words ('the chance') and correct 'football teams' to singular 'team' if referring to one team. 'I be I was voted to be a captain' is ungrammatical; use 'I was voted captain' for clarity and correct past passive construction. Suggestion: maintain consistent past tense when describing past experiences, eliminate redundancies, and use standard passive form for 'was voted captain'.

× Just I think people should try many different things because it helps them gain practical skills and new experience.

✓ I think people should try many different things because it helps them gain practical skills and new experiences.

The sentence begins with 'Just I think', which is unnatural; remove 'Just' or place it later. 'New experience' should be plural 'new experiences' to match 'many different things' and countable context. Maintain present simple correctly: 'I think' and 'it helps' are fine. Suggestion: use natural word order ('I think') and match noun number to context ('experiences').

× For example, when someone presents a proposal of a bill, they learn to revise their work, respond to feedback and improve their mistakes after one's experience.

✓ For example, when someone presents a proposal for a bill, they learn to revise their work, respond to feedback, and correct their mistakes based on experience.

There are two issues: preposition and pronoun consistency. Use 'proposal for a bill' rather than 'proposal of a bill' (incorrect preposition). The sentence mixes 'they/their' with 'one's', which is inconsistent; choose one pronoun set. Use 'correct their mistakes' rather than 'improve their mistakes' (improve is not used with mistakes). Also 'after one's experience' is awkward; use 'based on experience' or 'from experience'. Suggestion: keep pronouns consistent and choose appropriate verbs and prepositions ('proposal for', 'correct mistakes', 'based on experience').