Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and directly answer with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details connected with linking words. Avoid incomplete sentences and irrelevant shifts to adulthood. For example, state what activities you tried, where or when, and one brief result or feeling. Keep to a maximum of 4–5 sentences.

例: Yes — I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child, especially at school. For example, I joined a creative writing club and a reading group, which improved my confidence in expressing ideas. Because of these activities, I became more interested in literature and started writing short stories regularly.

提案: Good direct answer and clear reasons. To improve, add a linking word and a specific example or short consequence to make your point more concrete and natural. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'explore', 'broaden') and keep it to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I definitely think people should try many different things because it helps them gain new experiences and discover their preferences. For instance, trying internships or hobbies can reveal hidden talents and lead to better career or lifestyle choices.

× For example, when I was in school, I had the opportunity to participate in writing and reading skills.

✓ For example, when I was in school, I had the opportunity to participate in writing and reading activities.

The phrase 'writing and reading skills' is incorrect as an object of 'participate in'. 'Participate in' takes activities or events. Replace 'skills' with 'activities' to make the sentence natural and grammatically correct. Suggestion: use 'writing and reading activities' or 'writing and reading classes.'

× I have written essays as an adult.

✓ I wrote essays as an adult.

The original uses present perfect 'have written' but the context contrasts childhood activities with adult activities in a past reference. Using simple past 'wrote' keeps tense consistent with 'was' and 'had' earlier. If the intent is to state experience up to now, keep 'I have written essays as an adult' but here simple past is clearer. Suggestion: choose tense to match context: past narrative uses simple past.

× I do think that it's very important for children to.

✓ I do think that it's very important for children to learn these skills.

The original sentence ends abruptly with an incomplete infinitive 'to' and lacks an object or verb, making it a sentence fragment. Add the missing verb and object (for example 'learn these skills') to complete the thought. Suggestion: always ensure infinitives have an object or complement.

× Yes, I definitely believe that people should try as many different things as they can as it helps us gain new experiences and it also helps people find out what they like.

✓ Yes, I definitely believe that people should try as many different things as they can, as it helps them gain new experiences and find out what they like.

The sentence is grammatically long and repeats subjects unnecessarily ('us' and 'people'). Maintain a consistent pronoun ('them') to match 'people' and avoid redundancy. Also add a comma before 'as' for clarity. Suggestion: use consistent pronouns and streamline clauses to avoid repetition.