Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: begin with a short topic sentence answering the question, then add 1–2 specific supporting details with linking words. Correct grammar (tense, articles, singular/plural) and avoid repetition. Use precise vocabulary (e.g. library, beach, streams) and one reason or memory to make the answer more coherent.

例: Yes. I often had chances to try new activities as a child. For example, my family visited libraries, beaches and small streams where my father taught me to fish. Those trips were memorable because they helped me learn new skills and enjoy nature.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (because, so, therefore). Improve grammar (phrases like “try new things”, “opportunities”, “advance in life”) and avoid vague phrases like “advanced points”. Keep it concise and coherent.

例: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it helps them discover new interests and build skills. For instance, trying different jobs or hobbies can create opportunities for career growth and personal satisfaction, so you are more likely to find what suits you.

× As sure, I think when I was a child, I went many beautiful places with my family, especially I remember now.

✓ I am sure that when I was a child I went to many beautiful places with my family, which I still remember.

Original sentence has awkward phrasing ('As sure') and incorrect verb phrase 'went many beautiful places' missing the preposition 'to'. Also 'especially I remember now' is ungrammatical; use a relative clause or 'which I still remember'. Improve by using 'I am sure that' for certainty, add 'to' after 'went', and connect the remembering with the places using 'which' or 'I still remember'. Suggestion: say 'I am sure that when I was a child I went to many beautiful places with my family, which I still remember.'

× My father told me a beautiful library labor, sea and even small streams in order to fish.

✓ My father took me to a beautiful lakeside, the sea and even small streams to fish.

The verb 'told me' is incorrect here; the intended meaning is 'took me'. 'Library labor' is nonsensical — likely 'lakeside' or 'lake' intended. Also use 'to' before locations: 'took me to a lakeside'. 'In order to fish' can be simplified to 'to fish'. Ensure past tense 'took' matches 'when I was a child'. Suggestion: replace 'told' with 'took', fix location word, and use 'to' for destinations.

× It was memorable things as I remember now.

✓ They were memorable things, as I remember now.

Mismatch between singular 'It' and plural 'things' causes a sentence structure and agreement problem. Use 'They were' to refer to plural 'things'. Also the phrase 'as I remember now' is acceptable but 'which I remember now' or 'as I remember' are smoother. Suggestion: use 'They were memorable things' or 'Those were memorable experiences.'

× now. Now

✓ (remove repeated fragment)

The repeated 'now. Now' is an editing error and should be removed. It adds no meaning and breaks fluency. Suggestion: delete the duplicate words.

× We don't know our whole life.

✓ We don't know everything about our lives.

The original is ambiguous and slightly ungrammatical: 'We don't know our whole life' is not idiomatic. Use 'everything about our lives' to express the intended meaning that we cannot know our entire future or ourselves fully. Suggestion: say 'We don't know everything about our lives' or 'We don't know what will happen in our whole lives.'

× So we have to try to do something for more advanced points in our life.

✓ So we have to try new things to improve our lives.

Phrase 'try to do something for more advanced points' is unidiomatic. 'Try new things' is clearer. 'For more advanced points' is vague; 'to improve our lives' or 'to advance in life' is better. Also 'in our life' should be plural 'in our lives' when speaking generally. Suggestion: use 'try new things to improve our lives' or 'try things to advance in life.'

× If we do not try to something, we cannot get a good chance in our whole life.

✓ If we do not try anything, we will not get good opportunities in our lives.

'Try to something' is incorrect; use 'try anything' or 'try something' (without 'to'). Tense and modality: use 'will not' for future consequence rather than 'cannot' for general ability. 'A good chance' is better plural 'good opportunities' and 'our whole life' should be 'our lives'. Suggestion: say 'If we do not try anything, we will not get good opportunities in our lives.'