Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear, relevant and mostly natural. To improve further, make the first sentence a concise topic sentence, avoid minor grammar slips, and add one specific detail (e.g., the type of competition or a memorable moment) using a linking word to enhance coherence. Keep answers within 3–4 sentences and ensure smooth connectors (e.g., “for example,” “which helped,” “as a result”).

例: Yes. I was very outgoing as a child, and my teachers encouraged me to try new things. For example, I joined the drama club and acted in a school play, which helped me build confidence and become more comfortable speaking in front of people. As a result, I enjoyed taking part in other events like debating competitions.

提案: Your main idea is logical but the answer is unclear and contains grammatical and coherence errors. Start with a direct topic sentence stating your view, use linking words (e.g., “however,” “for example”), and give one clear reason and a brief example. Fix grammar (subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference) and avoid vague phrases like “people who enjoy what I teach.”

例: I think it depends on the person. For example, adventurous people benefit from trying different activities because it helps them discover new interests and skills. However, some people prefer a predictable routine and feel more comfortable sticking to familiar hobbies, which is also fine.

× It depends on personality and preferences.

✓ It depends on one’s personality and preferences.

The original sentence is grammatically acceptable, but 'personality' used without a determiner sounds unnatural. Replacing with 'one’s personality' clarifies the subject and ensures correct agreement with 'depends on'. Use 'one's' when speaking generally about people. Suggestion: use 'one’s' or 'a person’s' to be more natural.

× People who enjoy what I teach should try different activities to express themselves and who relax while those who prefer a quiet predictable routine are perfectly happy sticking to their family or habits.

✓ People who enjoy trying new things should try different activities to express themselves and relax, while those who prefer a quiet, predictable routine are perfectly happy sticking to their family life or habits.

This sentence has several problems: incorrect pronoun/reference and sentence structure. 'People who enjoy what I teach' is likely a mistake for 'trying new things' (pronoun/reference error). The clause 'and who relax while' creates a fragment and broken coordination. Also 'family' needs a clarifying noun ('family life') and a missing comma between 'quiet' and 'predictable'. Corrections: replace the unclear phrase with 'trying new things', remove the extra 'who' to form proper coordination ('...express themselves and relax'), add a comma between coordinate adjectives, and specify 'family life' for clarity. These changes fix pronoun/reference errors and sentence structure while preserving intended meaning.

× quiet predictable routine

✓ quiet, predictable routine

When two adjectives modify the same noun equally, they should be separated by a comma (coordinate adjectives). 'Quiet' and 'predictable' independently modify 'routine', so a comma is required. Readability improves with the comma.

× sticking to their family or habits

✓ sticking to their family life or habits

The phrase 'sticking to their family' is ambiguous because 'family' usually needs a noun to indicate the activity or life (e.g., 'family life') when contrasted with 'habits'. Adding 'life' clarifies the intended meaning and balances the parallel structure with 'habits'.

× People who enjoy what I teach should try different activities to express themselves and who relax while those who prefer a quiet predictable routine are perfectly happy sticking to their family or habits.

✓ People who enjoy trying new things should try different activities to express themselves and relax, while those who prefer a quiet, predictable routine are perfectly happy sticking to their family life or habits.

The original is a run-on with incorrect coordination: it attempts to link two contrasting groups but fails to structure the clauses correctly. Use 'while' to introduce the contrasting clause, remove the extra 'who' and ensure each clause has a clear verb ('should try' and 'are perfectly happy'). This restructuring corrects the sentence flow and grammatical coherence.