Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сократите повторения, говорите полными и правильными предложениями; уточняйте идеи и используйте связующие слова. Например, начните с ясного топик‑предложения, затем добавьте конкретные детали (что именно вы пробовали, в каком возрасте, какие успехи) и сделайте короткий вывод. Избегайте запинок и неверных форм глаголов (например, «have had», «took part», «I became a champion»).

例: Yes. When I was a child I had many opportunities to try new activities. For example, I joined a boxing club at age ten and practiced regularly for several years, which eventually led me to become a junior champion in Kazakhstan. I also enjoyed reading a lot and joined a school book club, which improved my vocabulary and confidence.

提案: Сформулируйте прямой ответ на вопрос, затем подкрепите его структурированными причинами с использованием связующих слов. Уберите повторы и исправьте грамматику (например, «if a person wants», «try new activities», «start a business»). Дайте одно‑два конкретных примера или последствия вашей точки зрения и короткое заключение.

例: I think people should try different things, but selectively. If someone wants to reach a specific goal, they should focus on activities that help that goal; for instance, an aspiring entrepreneur might try internships and networking rather than unrelated hobbies. However, trying new things can also help you discover passions and build useful skills, so a balanced approach is best.

× OK, yes, when I was young, I, I have AI had lots of opportunities to take apart.

✓ OK, yes, when I was young, I had lots of opportunities to take part in activities.

The speaker mixes present perfect ('have had') with a past time reference ('when I was young'), which is incorrect. Use the simple past 'had' for completed actions at a specific time in the past. Also 'take apart' is wrong collocation; the correct phrase is 'take part in'. Suggestion: use 'had' and 'take part in' for clarity.

× And one, one of the main opportunity is that I go to book, I went to boxing and now I'm I'm very I'm champion of Kazakhstan.

✓ And one of the main opportunities is that I went to boxing, and now I am the champion of Kazakhstan.

There is a mismatch between singular/plural: 'one of the main opportunity' should be 'one of the main opportunities' because 'one of' requires a plural noun. Also tense and article issues: 'I go to book' is unclear and likely wrong; replaced with 'I went to boxing' to keep past context. 'I'm champion' needs the definite article 'the' -> 'the champion'. Suggestion: ensure 'one of the' is followed by a plural noun and use 'the' with titles like 'the champion'.

× It depends on a person's mind.

✓ It depends on a person's mindset.

'Mind' is not wrong grammatically but 'mindset' is a more natural collocation in this context. This is a word choice issue rather than strict grammar; still keep present tense 'depends' for general truth. Suggestion: prefer 'mindset' to express attitude or approach.

× For example, if person want to achieve their goals, they want to try more activities and try more activities and should make some new or make start business and and go a lot of things.

✓ For example, if a person wants to achieve their goals, they should try more activities, start a new business, and try many different things.

Several pronoun and agreement errors: 'person' needs an article 'a person'. Subject-verb agreement: 'person want' should be 'person wants'. Repetition removed and awkward phrasing corrected. 'Make start business' is incorrect; use 'start a new business'. 'Go a lot of things' is ungrammatical; replaced with 'try many different things'. Suggestion: add articles where needed, match singular subjects with singular verbs, and use natural verbs like 'start' and 'try'.