Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition and give a short explanation with one or two specific details. Start with a clear topic sentence, then briefly explain why, using linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Keep it natural and within 2–3 sentences.

例: No. My parents were quite strict, so they didn't allow me to join extracurricular clubs or go on school trips when I was young. As a result, I missed chances to try sports or music lessons outside school.

提案: Keep the clear opinion but avoid clichés and improve coherence by adding a specific reason or example. Use a linking word to connect opinion and reason, and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think people should try a range of activities because it helps them discover interests and gain new skills. For example, trying painting or volunteering could reveal a hidden talent or lead to useful contacts for a future career.

× No, my my parents are too strict to let me join in any activities.

✓ No, my parents were too strict to let me join any activities.

This sentence contains a repetition ('my my') and a tense issue: the question asks about childhood, so past tense 'were' is appropriate. Also, the verb phrase 'join in any activities' is slightly unnatural here; use 'join any activities' or 'take part in any activities'. Suggestion: remove the duplicated word, change 'are' to 'were' to match past time reference, and use 'join any activities' or 'take part in any activities' for natural phrasing.

× Yes, I believe that people should try many different things as they can because life is too short and you should live your life to the fullest.

✓ Yes, I believe that people should try as many different things as they can because life is too short and they should live their lives to the fullest.

The phrase 'many different things as they can' misorders the quantifier and comparative phrase; the correct pattern is 'as many ... as they can'. Also, pronoun consistency is needed: the sentence begins with 'people' (they) but later uses 'you', which is a shift in person. Use 'they' and 'their lives' to maintain consistency. Suggestion: reorder to 'try as many different things as they can' and keep pronouns consistent ('they/their').