Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains many grammar and word-choice errors. Focus on giving a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using simple linking words (for example, “and” or “because”). Keep answers natural, concise (no more than 4–5 sentences), and use correct tense and vocabulary (e.g., “I took part in,” “sports activities,” “I felt happy because…”).

例: Yes. I took part in many new activities as a child. For example, I joined the school sports club and a music class, which helped me learn teamwork and discipline. Because of these experiences, I became more confident and interested in trying new things.

提案: Your response is confusing and lacks a clear opinion. Start with a direct opinion sentence (Yes or No), then support it with one or two specific reasons and an example. Use simple cohesive devices (for example, “for example,” “because,” “so”) and choose accurate vocabulary (e.g., “interests,” “skills,” “hobbies”). Keep sentences short and grammatical.

例: Yes, I think people should try different things. Trying new activities helps you discover interests and skills; for example, someone might try cooking and later decide they enjoy it enough to cook for family. Also, experimenting with hobbies can lead to personal growth and better decision-making.

× I participate a lot of lot of new parentage in a machine level and I can also afford it to achieve my sports load.

✓ I participated in a lot of new activities at a basic level, and I could also afford the time to pursue my sports training.

Errors: incorrect verb tense and form ('participate' should be past tense 'participated' to match 'as a child'), repetition ('a lot of lot of'), wrong noun choices ('parentage', 'machine level', 'sports load'), and modal timing ('can also afford' should be past 'could also afford'). Suggestion: use simple past for past experiences, choose appropriate nouns ('activities', 'basic level', 'time', 'training'), and avoid repetition. Rewrite sentences in clear clauses joined by 'and' or split into two sentences for clarity.

× During that time I am very happy because I will shift in my goal.

✓ At that time I was very happy because I was moving toward my goal.

Errors: tense inconsistency ('During that time' requires past tense 'was', not present 'am'; 'will shift' is future but context needs past continuous or past simple). 'Shift in my goal' is unnatural; use 'move toward my goal' or 'be shifting toward my goal'. Suggestion: maintain past tense for past periods and choose common collocations like 'move toward'.

× just in my youth the people are many different things so like this some people are interested in cooking bounced and the camera interest playing information language or there are a lot of mutants to they depend on each choice.

✓ When I was young, people tried many different things; for example, some became interested in cooking, some in photography, some in languages, and others had different hobbies depending on their choices.

Errors: sentence fragment and structure problems, missing capitalization and punctuation, incorrect articles and pronouns ('the people are many different things' is ungrammatical), wrong word choices ('bounced', 'camera interest playing information language', 'mutants'). Suggestion: break into clear clauses, use past tense for past habits ('tried'), use parallel structure for examples ('some became interested in X, some in Y'), and choose correct nouns ('photography' instead of 'camera', 'languages' instead of 'information language').