Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조와 문법 오류를 고치고, 응답을 더 자연스럽고 구체적으로 확장하세요. 예를 들어 불필요한 중복(“I I”)을 제거하고 동사의 형태를 바르게 사용하며 연결어를 넣어 이유와 감정을 덧붙이세요. 또한 한두 개의 구체적 세부사항(어떤 게임이었는지, 몇 살 때였는지, 아버지와 함께 한 경험이 왜 즐거웠는지)을 추가하면 응답이 풍부해집니다.

例: Yes. As a child, I often played video games with my father because he would play every evening. I remember playing puzzle and adventure games when I was around eight or nine, and I enjoyed those moments because they helped us bond and I learned to solve problems more creatively.

提案: 의견을 명확한 주제문으로 시작하고 이유와 예시를 논리적으로 연결하세요. 현재 문장은 문법 오류(‘potentialities’ 대신 ‘potential’)와 미완성 문장 문제가 있습니다. 연결어(예: 'because', 'for example', 'therefore')를 사용해 이유와 결과를 제시하고 구체적인 예를 넣어 답변을 확장하세요.

例: Yes, I think people should try different activities because it helps them discover their strengths and interests. For example, trying sports, music, or volunteer work can reveal hidden talents and lead to new opportunities in education or careers.

× Yes I I had the playing computer game because my dad played the game every day and I enjoyed with him

✓ Yes, I used to play computer games because my dad played games every day and I enjoyed playing with him.

The original sentence misuses 'had the playing' which is incorrect. Use 'used to play' to indicate a past habitual activity. 'Played the game' is vague; 'played games' is natural. 'Enjoyed with him' requires the verb 'playing' after 'enjoyed' to show what you enjoyed. Also add commas and remove the duplicated 'I'. Suggestion: Say 'I used to play computer games' for habitual past actions and follow 'enjoy' with a gerund (enjoy playing).

× Yes people have many potentialities And they try everything and

✓ Yes, people have many potential and they should try many different things.

'Potentialities' is an incorrect/unnatural word choice; use 'potential' or 'potential abilities'. 'Try everything' is too absolute and awkward here; 'try many different things' is more natural. Also add a comma and proper conjunction casing. Suggestion: use 'people have a lot of potential' or 'people have many talents' and 'try many different things' to express variety and possibility.