Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevap daha düzenli ve akıcı olmalı; gereksiz duraksamalar ve tekrarlar kaldırılmalı. Kısa ama net bir konu cümlesi ile başlayıp durumu açıklayan 1-2 destekleyici cümle ekleyin. Örneğin maddi imkânsızlık nedeniyle yeni etkinliklere katılamadığınızı belirtirken zaman veya örnek verin. Bağlaç kullanarak neden-sonuç ilişkisi kurun (because, so, therefore).

例: No, I didn’t have many opportunities to try new activities as a child because my family was poor. For example, we couldn’t afford lessons or clubs, so I mainly played at home and at school with friends.

提案: Cevap daha yapılandırılmış ve sebep odaklı olmalı; tekrarlar ve dolgu kelimeleri (uh, yeah) azaltılmalı. Önce açık bir görüş cümlesi kurun, sonra 1-2 neden veya fayda sıralayın ve bir sonuç cümlesi ekleyin. Bağlaçlar (for example, because, so) kullanarak mantıksal akış sağlayın. Kelime hatalarını düzeltin (can yerine can).

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it helps them discover new interests and develop skills. For example, trying different sports or hobbies can improve confidence and may lead to a lifelong passion.

× Uh, actually not because I'm I was poor when I was a child.

✓ Uh, actually not, because I was poor when I was a child.

The student mixed present tense 'I'm' with past tense 'I was' in the same clause, causing tense inconsistency. Use the past tense 'I was' to match the time reference 'when I was a child'. Also add a comma for clarity. Suggestion: remove 'I'm' and keep 'I was' to maintain consistent past tense. Example improvement: 'Uh, actually not, because I was poor when I was a child.'

× Yeah, yeah. Uh, I think people should try as many different things they scan because, uh, because why? Why don't they want to?

✓ Yeah, yeah. Uh, I think people should try as many different things as they can, because, uh, why wouldn't they want to?

The sentence contains two errors relevant to modal verbs and word choice: 'scan' is a typo and should be the modal phrase 'can' (ability), and the tag question 'Why don't they want to?' is unnatural here; 'why wouldn't they want to?' is a more appropriate rhetorical question expressing expected agreement. Also add 'as' before 'they can' to form the correct phrase 'as many different things as they can'. Suggestion: replace 'they scan' with 'as they can' and use 'why wouldn't they want to?' for natural phrasing.