Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and coherence: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce repetition, correct verb forms and tenses (e.g., 'offered', 'was successful'), and remove unclear fragments (e.g., 'Tuesday because...'). Add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, 'For example' or 'So'). Keep the answer to no more than five sentences and make details specific (how often you practiced, what you learned).

例: Yes. My elementary school offered many after-school clubs, and I joined the badminton club when I was nine. I was selected after a tryout because the coach thought I had good potential. I practiced twice a week and learned teamwork and basic footwork. This experience helped me gain confidence in trying new activities.

提案: Make your opinion concise and support it with clear, specific reasons. Use correct grammar (e.g., 'people often say', 'when we are young', 'children can fulfill their dreams') and linking words ('because', 'for example', 'therefore'). Provide one concrete example and avoid vague phrases like 'and those'. Keep it within three to four sentences.

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things when they are young because they have more energy and time to explore. For example, studying abroad or taking on different part-time jobs can teach independence and new skills. These experiences broaden perspectives and make people more adaptable in the future.

× Yes, because I was in the elementary school as a student.

✓ Yes, because I was a student in elementary school.

The original sentence is understandable but awkwardly uses 'was in the elementary school'. The phrase 'a student in elementary school' is the natural past-tense expression. Keep past tense 'was' to match the time frame.

× My elementary school often offer many chances for children to exercise.

✓ My elementary school often offered many opportunities for children to participate in activities.

The subject 'My elementary school' is singular, so the verb must be singular in past tense: 'offered'. Also 'chances for children to exercise' is awkward; 'opportunities to participate in activities' is clearer and more natural.

× For example, there are badminton club and also the baseball club, and I once entered the badminton club when I was a child because I went to a tryout at the badminton club and was successfully.

✓ For example, there was a badminton club and a baseball club, and I once joined the badminton club when I was a child because I went to a tryout and was successful.

Use singular/plural correctly: 'there was a badminton club and a baseball club' (past context). Use 'joined' not 'entered' for joining clubs. 'Was successfully' is incorrect; use the adjective 'successful'. Also remove repeated phrase 'at the badminton club' for concision.

× Tuesday because that they think I have the potential in playing badminton, so that was the new activity that I first tried when I was a child.

✓ They thought I had potential in playing badminton, so I started on Tuesday; that was the first new activity I tried as a child.

The original sentence is disorganized and includes an unexplained 'Tuesday' and incorrect tense and connectors. Use past tense 'thought' to match the context, 'had potential' (past), and restructure to clarify meaning. Place time reference ('Tuesday') where it logically fits.

× Yes, people always said that we need to try new things as soon as we are still young because as we get older we may lose the energy and also the physical ability to try new things out.

✓ Yes, people always say that we need to try new things while we are still young because as we get older we may lose the energy and the physical ability to try new things.

The reporting verb should be present 'say' for a general truth. Use 'while we are still young' instead of 'as soon as we are still young'. Remove redundant 'out' and duplicate 'also'. Keep 'may lose' to express possibility.

× So when we are young, we were encouraged to try new things, for example, going abroad to study or also getting a brand new job as extra and those.

✓ So when we were young, we were encouraged to try new things, for example, going abroad to study or getting a brand-new job as an additional experience.

Maintain past tense 'were encouraged'. 'As extra and those' is unclear; replace with 'as an additional experience'. Use hyphen in 'brand-new'.

× Child can have fulfill our dream or also enrich our experience to make us become more positive.

✓ Children can fulfill their dreams or enrich their experiences, which helps them become more positive.

Use plural 'Children' to match plural verbs and possessives: 'their dreams' and 'their experiences'. 'Can have fulfill' is ungrammatical — use 'can fulfill'. Clarify result with 'which helps them become more positive'.