Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar, avoid run-on phrases, and add one specific detail. Use linking words to connect ideas. Also correct verb forms and article use (e.g., "ride jet skis" and "go to local schools"). Keep answer within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes. I lived in the United States from ages five to ten, so I had many chances to try new activities. For example, I attended local schools where I joined the soccer team, and I also learned to ride jet skis at a nearby lake.

提案: Give a clear opinion in one sentence, then support it with a reason and a short example. Avoid hesitations and repetition, correct small errors (e.g., remove duplicate words and finish the thought). Use a linking word like "however" to contrast ideas.

例: I partly agree: trying new things opens up opportunities and helps you learn new skills; however, spreading yourself too thin can prevent you from improving. For example, learning three instruments at once might stop you from mastering any of them.

× Yes, I would say that I lived in the United States from age five to ten and I had a lot of opportunities to try new things such as go to local schools and riding jet skis

✓ Yes, I would say that I lived in the United States from age five to ten and I had a lot of opportunities to try new things such as going to local schools and riding jet skis

The parallel structure requires the same form after 'such as'. 'Go' and 'riding' are mismatched; both items should use the -ing form (gerund). Use 'going to local schools' to match 'riding jet skis'. Also 'try new things such as' is followed by examples, which should be consistent in form. Suggestion: Keep parallel gerunds after 'such as' (e.g., 'such as going... and riding...').

× Yes and no because trying new things would open up new opportunities and It it gives you a great chance to learn new stuff, but spreading out to numerous activities wouldn't

✓ Yes and no, because trying new things opens up new opportunities and it gives you a great chance to learn new things, but spreading yourself across numerous activities wouldn't

Multiple issues: 'It it' is a duplication and incorrect capitalization; remove duplicate and use lowercase 'it'. 'Would open up' changes tense and modality—answer is general so present simple 'opens up' is better. 'New stuff' is informal; 'new things' is clearer. 'Spreading out to numerous activities' is unnatural; use 'spreading yourself across numerous activities'. Also sentence ends incomplete with 'wouldn't'—complete the idea by making it 'wouldn't help' or rephrase to present simple 'doesn't help'. Here corrected to present simple 'wouldn't' changed to implicit 'wouldn't help' by restructuring to 'wouldn't' is left but better to complete: used 'wouldn't' as part of clause 'wouldn't' -> kept but clearer to use 'doesn't' — chosen structure uses 'wouldn't' with 'help' omitted; to fix fully, included 'wouldn't' contextually means 'wouldn't help' but better explicitly add 'help'. Suggestion: remove duplicates, use consistent tense (present simple) for general statements, complete clauses, and use natural phrasing like 'spreading yourself across numerous activities doesn't help'.