Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 内容方面：回答有回应问题并给出例子，但细节不够准确（如“fight”用词错误，拼写错误“boried”）且有冗余。结构方面：主题句和支持句存在，但句子过长且不够连贯。发散建议：使用正确词汇（try, develop, become），把句子拆成不超过5句，使用连接词如“however”或“now”。具体做法：把不必要的短语删掉，用具体细节替换模糊表述（例如描述学钢琴的情绪变化和练习习惯）。

例: Yes, I did. My parents encouraged me to try new activities when I was young, so I could discover my interests. For example, they signed me up for piano lessons at four. At first I was bored and reluctant to practice, but after a few years I enjoyed playing and now I often play in my free time to relax.

提案: 内容方面：观点明确，比较了内向与外向人的不同，但表达存在用词和语法问题（如“fight a sense of achievement”不当，重复“try”过多）。结构方面：主题句后有支持性细节，但逻辑连接和例子不足。改进建议：用更准确的词汇（feel insecure, gain a sense of achievement），使用连接词（however, for example）并给出一两个具体例子（如 skydiving vs joining a book club）。句子保持简洁，不超过5句。

例: I think it depends on the person. For example, introverted people like me may wait for encouragement from others before trying new things because they feel insecure about unfamiliar situations. However, extroverted people often seek novel or risky activities, such as skydiving or travelling alone, because they gain a strong sense of achievement from those experiences.

× Yes, I did because my parents used to motivate me to try something new, then I could fight things that I was really into and they may became lifetime hobbies.

✓ Yes, I did because my parents used to motivate me to try something new, then I could find things that I was really into and they may become lifetime hobbies.

错误类型：过去时/动词形式错误。句中用到的动词 ‘fight’ 与语境不符，应为 ‘find’（找到）。另外 ‘became’ 是过去式，前面有情态动词 ‘may’，应使用动词原形 ‘become’。建议：注意选择与语境匹配的动词，并在情态动词后使用动词原形。

× For instance, my parents let me play the piano when I was four, I felt boried to learn it at first, but now I often play the piano to kill time.

✓ For instance, my parents let me play the piano when I was four. I felt bored to learn it at first, but now I often play the piano to kill time.

错误类型：形容词/副词使用不当与句子结构。单词 ‘boried’ 拼写错误，正确形容词为 ‘bored’。此外原句为逗号拼接两个独立句子，应改为两个句子或用连词。建议：注意形容词拼写，并避免用逗号连接两个独立句子（逗号拼接错误）。

× I'm more introverted. I won't try new things proactively until my parents or friends inspire me to do.

✓ I'm more introverted. I won't try new things proactively until my parents or friends inspire me to do so.

错误类型：代词使用不当。句末缺少代词 ‘so’ 来指代前文的 ‘try new things’，应使用 ‘do so’ 或直接重复动词短语。建议：在类似结构中用 ‘do so’ 来避免不完整的省略。

× Since trying new things gives me a sense of insecurity, in terms of extroverted people, they tend to try something different or even something dangerous but exciting because they fight a sense of achievement when they make it.

✓ Since trying new things gives me a sense of insecurity, extroverted people tend to try different or even dangerous but exciting things because they gain a sense of achievement when they succeed.

错误类型：介词和词语搭配不当。短语 ‘in terms of extroverted people’ 用法不自然，应直接说 ‘extroverted people’。动词 ‘fight a sense of achievement’ 用法错误，应为 ‘gain/feel a sense of achievement’。另外 ‘make it’ 在此处口语可用，但更准确为 ‘succeed’。建议：使用自然的搭配（gain/feel a sense of achievement），避免不必要的介词短语，并用更恰当的动词表达成功。