Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity and provide a direct topic sentence plus brief supporting details. Avoid fillers and repetition. Mention specific activities and whether you had opportunities, then add one short reason or example. Keep it under five sentences and use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I enrolled in swimming lessons and a weekly art class, which helped me become more confident and social. Because my parents encouraged me to join school clubs, I could explore different interests and learn new skills.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Remove fillers like “umm” and fix grammatical errors (use gerunds or infinitives correctly). Be concise and use precise vocabulary (e.g., “time-management” instead of “life management”).

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it develops useful skills and improves time-management. For example, learning a musical instrument and volunteering taught me discipline and how to balance tasks effectively.

× As a as a child, I used to do it.

✓ As a child, I used to do that.

The sentence has a repetition 'as a as a' and an unclear pronoun 'it'. Remove the duplicate phrase and replace 'it' with 'that' to refer to taking part in new activities. The corrected sentence uses the past habitual 'used to' appropriately for childhood activities.

× Yeah, I think so, because umm try as many different things can improve their skills and it helps to their life management.

✓ Yeah, I think so, because trying as many different things can improve their skills and help with their life management.

The clause requires a gerund 'trying' as the subject, not the base verb 'try'. Also 'can improve their skills and it helps to their life management' mixes structures; use parallel verbs 'can improve' and 'help' and the correct preposition 'with' for 'help with life management'. Remove filler 'umm' for clarity.