Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition, filler words, and unclear references (e.g. 'Iyps', 'like the. Other things'). Also correct small grammar issues (e.g. 'my school had many international collaborations' not 'has a a lot').

例: Yes. I had many opportunities to try new activities at school. For example, British Court High School in Patiala organised international exchange projects and cultural workshops, which allowed me to meet students from other countries and learn new skills. These experiences improved my communication and broadened my outlook.

提案: Organise your response: give a clear opinion, then two specific reasons with linking words. Remove fillers ('uh') and vague phrases ('newer people', 'good educates'). Use gender-neutral language and accurate collocations (e.g. 'gain confidence', 'receive a good education' or 'become better educated'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it helps them gain confidence and develop new skills. For instance, learning a hobby or joining a volunteer group lets you meet diverse people and practise communication. As a result, even someone in a corporate job can improve teamwork and personal development.

× I studied in the British Court High School, Patiala and my school has a a lot, a lot of international collaborations with different Iyps and like the.

✓ I studied at the British Court High School, Patiala, and my school had a lot of international collaborations with different groups and other programs.

Errors: incorrect use of article and preposition and awkward phrase. Use 'at' with 'studied at [school]'. Remove duplicate 'a'. 'Has' should be 'had' to match past time frame 'I studied'. 'Iyps' is unclear; replace with 'groups and other programs' to be grammatical. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'studied at' for schools, ensure articles are not duplicated, keep verb tense consistent with the time reference.

× which helped us a lot to give.

✓ which helped us a lot.

The fragment 'to give' is incomplete and creates a sentence structure error. Remove the unnecessary 'to give' or complete it with an object (for example, 'to give presentations'). Suggestion: Keep clauses complete; after 'helped us a lot' no infinitive is needed unless you specify what was given.

× Yes, people should try as many different things as they can as it helps them become more extroverted, learn new things, uh, interact with newer people and it helps them build confidence and uh, it helps them grow in their life.

✓ Yes, people should try as many different things as they can, as it helps them become more outgoing, learn new things, interact with new people, build confidence, and grow in life.

Issues: repetitive 'helps' and awkward adjective 'newer people'. 'Extroverted' is acceptable but 'outgoing' is more natural here. Maintain parallel structure in the list of benefits and use simple present consistently. Remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: Use parallel verbs without repeating auxiliary words and choose natural adjectives ('new' not 'newer') for general statements.

× Even if a person is doing a corporate job, he learns new things, he knows how to talk to people, he gets good educates.

✓ Even if a person has a corporate job, they learn new things, learn how to talk to people, and gain valuable experience.

Problems: pronoun 'he' is gender-specific; use gender-neutral 'they' or rephrase. 'Is doing a corporate job' is awkward; 'has a corporate job' or 'works in a corporate job' is better. 'Gets good educates' is ungrammatical—likely intended 'gets good education' or 'gains valuable experience'. Use parallel verb forms and correct noun 'education' or better phrasing 'gain valuable experience'. Suggestion: Use gender-neutral pronouns, maintain parallel verbs, and replace incorrect noun forms with standard nouns.