Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more precise and grammatical, start with a clear topic sentence, add one or two specific supporting details, link ideas and finish the sentence. Avoid vague phrasing like "a television" and correct tense and word forms (e.g. "on television" or "in a school TV show").

例: Yes. When I was in middle school I appeared on a local television program and performed a dance in front of my classmates. At first I felt very nervous because it was my first public performance, but I was thrilled afterwards because many classmates congratulated me and I gained more confidence.

提案: Give a clear opinion sentence, then support it with specific reasons and examples. Use correct grammar and linking words (for example, "because", "for instance", "therefore"). Avoid short, fragmented phrases; use plural/singular and verb agreement (e.g. "helps me stay motivated and enjoy life").

例: I mostly agree because trying new things helps me stay motivated and enjoy life. For instance, when I took up photography last year, I met several new friends in a club and improved my creativity, so I felt more confident and less bored.

× Yes, when I was in middle school, I took part in a television where I performed a dance.

✓ Yes, when I was in middle school, I took part in a television program where I performed a dance.

The noun 'television' used alone is incorrect here; the speaker means 'television program' or 'TV show'. This is an article/word choice issue: a countable noun needs an appropriate noun and possibly an article. Use 'a television program' or 'a TV show' to be clear and grammatically correct. Suggestion: replace 'television' with 'a television program' or 'a TV show'.

× It was my first time performing dance in front of my classmates.

✓ It was my first time performing a dance in front of my classmates.

The phrase requires the noun phrase 'a dance' after 'performing'; without the article it is ungrammatical. This is an issue with present participle verb phrase and noun article use. Suggestion: include the article 'a' before 'dance' or rephrase as 'performing dances' if plural general meaning is intended.

× So I felt nervous but ultimately thrilled by the experience and prompted

✓ So I felt nervous but ultimately thrilled by the experience and proud.

The sentence ends with 'prompted', which is incorrect in this context. The intended adjective is likely 'proud'. This is a sentence structure/word choice error. Suggestion: replace 'prompted' with 'proud' or rephrase the clause as 'which made me feel proud'.

× I mostly agree because trying new things help me motivated and enjoyable.

✓ I mostly agree because trying new things helps me stay motivated and feel happy/enjoyment.

Subject-verb agreement and tense: the gerund clause 'trying new things' acts as a singular subject, so the verb should be 'helps' (third person singular). Also 'help me motivated and enjoyable' is incorrect word forms; 'motivated' needs an auxiliary ('stay/keep') and 'enjoyable' describes things, not the person. Suggestion: use 'helps me stay motivated and enjoy life' or 'helps me feel motivated and enjoy myself'.

× For example, making a new hobby, help me meet new people and get a confidence.

✓ For example, taking up a new hobby helps me meet new people and gain confidence.

Multiple issues: 'making a new hobby' is incorrect collocation; use 'taking up' or 'starting' a hobby. The verb must agree with the singular gerund subject: 'helps' not 'help'. 'a confidence' is wrong — 'confidence' is uncountable and needs no article; use 'gain confidence'. This fits article, verb agreement, and word choice corrections. Suggestion: rephrase as 'taking up a new hobby helps me meet new people and gain confidence'.