Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and expand your answer with a clear topic sentence, specific details, and correct grammar. Start by stating the activity, then give two brief supporting details (what you did and what you learned). Use linking words to connect ideas and correct factual errors (Nassau is in the Bahamas, not the United States). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes. As a child I visited Nassau, which is in the Bahamas, and saw a space-related exhibition there. During the trip I toured a space science center and learned about rockets and astronaut training. Because of that experience, I became more interested in space exploration and read several books about the topic.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then add 1–2 concise, specific reasons and an example using linking words (for example, therefore, because). Avoid vague phrases and awkward grammar. Keep it natural and under five sentences.

例: Yes, people should try many different things because it helps them discover new interests and skills. For example, by trying cooking classes and hiking, someone might find a hobby they love and make new friends. Therefore, experimenting with activities can lead to memorable experiences and personal growth.

× Yes, I had an opportunity to go for a visit to Nassau in the United States.

✓ Yes, I had the opportunity to visit Nassau in the United States.

Use of 'had an opportunity to go for a visit to' is wordy and slightly unidiomatic. 'Had the opportunity to visit' is concise and uses the correct past tense. Also 'the United States' is correct here; use 'visit' not 'go for a visit to'. Suggestion: simplify phrasing and keep past tense consistent: 'I had the opportunity to visit...'.

× It was a very surprising and interesting trip that I know the industry of space.

✓ It was a very surprising and interesting trip where I learned about the space industry.

The original uses incorrect clause linking ('that I know the industry of space') and wrong verb form ('know' instead of past tense 'learned'). This is a sentence structure and tense problem. Use 'where' to introduce what happened during the trip and 'learned about the space industry' for a natural expression. Suggestion: use 'where I learned about the space industry' to clearly state what you gained from the trip.

× Yes, they should because in people's lifetime we have limited time, but we can try our best to gain memorable experience.

✓ Yes, they should, because in a person's lifetime we have limited time, so we should try our best to gain memorable experiences.

Several issues: 'in people's lifetime' is awkward; use 'in a person's lifetime' (singular) or 'during our lifetime'. 'But' contrasts incorrectly with the intended conclusion; 'so' fits better. 'Can try our best to gain memorable experience' is unidiomatic: 'should try our best to gain memorable experiences' or 'to create memorable experiences'. Also plural 'experiences' is more natural. This touches modal verb nuance ('should' vs 'can') and quantifier/number and cohesion. Suggestion: use 'should' for recommendation, 'in a person's lifetime' or 'during our lifetime', and plural 'memorable experiences'.