Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question (e.g. “Yes, I did.”). Avoid filler words (uh, um) and repetition. Use a correct verb tense and pronouns (e.g. “when I was a child”). Give 1–2 specific examples and one brief result or feeling, linked with a connector (for example, “for example,” “which helped me…”). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child, I took part in swimming, soccer and piano lessons. For example, piano lessons helped me develop patience and discipline, while swimming improved my fitness. These activities gave me confidence and shaped my interests.

提案: Express your opinion clearly and use accurate vocabulary. Start with a direct opinion sentence (e.g. “Yes, I think people should try many different things.”). Avoid pronunciation or word choice errors (e.g. “ugly” incorrect; use “agree” or “believe”). Use linking words (because, so, therefore) and give one or two specific reasons or an example. Keep sentences short and coherent.

例: Yes, I believe people should try many different activities because it broadens their skills and perspectives. For instance, learning a new hobby can help someone discover a talent or meet new friends, which can lead to future opportunities.

× If there were a ton of activities, what I, uh, there was a ton of activities when I was child, uh, for instance, uh, there were swimming, soccer and piano.

✓ When I was a child there were a ton of activities; for instance, there were swimming, soccer and piano.

The original sentence misuses 'there was' with a plural noun and omits the article 'a' before 'child'. Use 'there were' for plural 'activities' and include the article: 'when I was a child'. Also rephrase for clarity by removing filler words and ordering the clauses logically. Suggestions: use 'there were' with plural nouns and include articles before singular countable nouns.

× It was a great opportunity for my child error to experience to develop.

✓ It was a great opportunity for me to gain experience and develop.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and confusing: 'my child error' is meaningless and 'to experience to develop' has incorrect verb forms and structure. Replace with 'me' as the speaker, use verbs in parallel ('gain experience and develop') and keep infinitive structures consistent. Suggestions: identify the intended subject and use clear parallel verb phrases.

× Yes, I totally ugly this uh, because, uh, it's expanded someone's ability and uh, when they get out of their box to obtain new opportunities, It's really.

✓ Yes, I totally agree with this, because it expands someone's abilities, and when they get out of their box to try new things, it is really beneficial.

The speaker used 'ugly' incorrectly instead of the adverb/verb 'agree'. Also verb tenses and subjects were inconsistent: 'it's expanded' should be present simple 'it expands' for general truth, 'someone's ability' should be plural 'abilities', and the final clause was incomplete. Correct by using 'agree', present simple, plural noun, and complete the final thought with an appropriate adjective 'beneficial'. Suggestions: choose the correct verb ('agree' not 'ugly'), maintain present simple for general statements, ensure subject-verb agreement and complete clauses.

× ...when they get out of their box to obtain new opportunities, It's really.

✓ ...when they get out of their box to obtain new opportunities, it really helps.

The clause ends abruptly with 'It's really.' which is incomplete. Use a present participle or verb phrase to complete the idea (e.g., 'it really helps' or 'it is really beneficial'). Also ensure capitalization: 'It's' mid-sentence should be lowercase 'it'. Suggestions: finish sentences with a clear verb phrase; avoid sentence fragments.