Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, use correct tenses, avoid repetition, and add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I joined my school’s cricket club and took part in several competitions; as a result, our team won the championship once. Those experiences helped me build teamwork and confidence.

提案: Give a clear opinion with a topic sentence, then support it with one or two specific reasons using linking words. Improve grammar and word choice (e.g., 'rather than' usage). Keep it concise and natural.

例: I don't think people should try to do everything; instead, they should focus on developing deeper skills in a few areas. For instance, specializing in a field can lead to better career opportunities and greater expertise, whereas trying everything often results in shallow knowledge.

× So I have plenty of opportunities to take part during my childhood.

✓ I had plenty of opportunities to take part during my childhood.

The sentence mixes present perfect tense 'have' with a past time reference 'during my childhood.' Use simple past 'had' to match the past time frame. Suggestion: Use past tense when referring to finished past periods (e.g., 'I had opportunities when I was a child').

× When I was in school, I have participated in many cricket club competitions and participated in the games and have been a champion player.

✓ When I was in school, I participated in many cricket club competitions and was a champion player.

The clause begins with a clear past time marker 'When I was in school,' so use simple past verbs 'participated' and 'was' rather than present perfect 'have participated' or 'have been.' Present perfect is used for actions with relevance to the present or unspecified time; here the time is specified. Also, avoid repeating 'participated' twice; combine ideas for clarity. Suggestion: Use consistent past tense and concise phrasing (e.g., 'I participated in competitions and was a champion').

× I don't think people should be aiming to do everything on their way.

✓ I don't think people should aim to do everything in their path.

The original uses a continuous form 'should be aiming' that is unnecessary after 'should.' Use the base verb 'aim' after modal 'should.' Also 'on their way' is idiomatic but 'in their path' or 'in life' may be clearer. Suggestion: Use 'should' + base verb and choose a clearer phrase for location or life context.

× Rather than people should be having deeper knowledge on certain things like having deep skills come lead to specialized category in some face.

✓ Rather, people should develop deeper knowledge and skills in certain areas, which can lead to specialization in a particular field.

The original sentence has incorrect use of 'Rather than' (which should compare two items) and awkward structure and word choice ('come lead,' 'specialized category,' 'in some face'). Recast the sentence using 'Rather,' followed by a main clause. Use 'develop' with 'knowledge and skills,' 'areas' or 'fields' for clarity, and 'lead to specialization' for the intended meaning. Suggestion: Use correct discourse marker ('Rather,' not 'Rather than' alone) and clearer collocations (e.g., 'develop skills,' 'particular field').