Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Старайтесь давать более прямой и связный ответ: начните с темы, затем кратко объясните причину и приведите конкретный пример. Избегайте ошибок грамматики (например, «when I was a child», «I rejected them»), избыточных слов и длинных фраз без связки. Используйте связки (because, so, however, for example) и не больше 3–4 предложений. Попробуйте заменить общие слова («activities», «events») на более точные («sports clubs», «music lessons»).

例: Yes. I had several opportunities to join after-school activities when I was a child, but I often declined them because I needed to concentrate on my studies. For example, my school offered a chess club and piano lessons, but I chose to spend that time on homework. However, I regret missing some chances to learn new skills.

提案: Давайте более краткий и чёткий ответ: сформулируйте основную точку зрения в первом предложении, затем приведите 1–2 конкретные причины и пример. Избегайте тавтологии («that is actually good», «that will be a really great improvement») и ошибок в построении предложений (например, «develop them other people» — неверная фраза). Используйте разные связки (because, for instance, therefore) и богатую, уместную лексику (experience, personal growth, skills, confidence).

例: Yes, I think people should try different activities because it helps them gain experience and develop new skills. For instance, trying team sports can improve social skills and confidence, while learning an instrument can boost discipline and creativity. Therefore, experimenting with new activities can lead to personal growth.

× I had plenty of activities when I was child to participate in, but mostly I just was rejecting from them, because I had no time for extracurricular opportunities and actions, events.

✓ I had plenty of activities to participate in when I was a child, but I mostly rejected them because I had no time for extracurricular activities or events.

The sentence contains issues with word order and countable noun forms. 'When I was child' needs the indefinite article 'a' ('a child'). 'Plenty of activities when I was child to participate in' has awkward order; move 'to participate in' after 'activities' or place the time clause after. 'I just was rejecting from them' is incorrect: use simple past 'I mostly rejected them' and do not use 'from' with 'reject'. 'Extracurricular opportunities and actions, events' is redundant and unidiomatic; use 'extracurricular activities or events'. Suggestions: use correct article 'a', place modifiers in natural order, use correct verb form and preposition, and simplify redundant phrases.

× So I'm just trying to focus on my studies instead.

✓ So I just tried to focus on my studies instead.

The context is about past habits as a child, so the present continuous 'I'm just trying' is inconsistent. Use past tense 'I just tried' to match the time frame. Suggestion: maintain consistent tense with surrounding sentences describing past actions.

× In my point of view, there is nothing bad in trying something new and gaining experience.

✓ In my point of view, there is nothing wrong with trying something new and gaining experience.

The phrase 'nothing bad in' is unidiomatic; the correct collocation is 'nothing wrong with'. The rest is fine. Suggestion: use common phrases like 'nothing wrong with' when expressing acceptability.

× So I probably agree with the statement that people should try to participate in many things they can because that is actually good and that will develop them other people and improve their personalities.

✓ So I probably agree with the statement that people should try as many things as they can because that is actually good and will help them develop and improve their personalities.

Awkward phrasing and wrong word order: 'try to participate in many things they can' is better expressed as 'try as many things as they can'. 'Will develop them other people' is incorrect; likely intended 'will help them develop' or 'will help develop them as people'. 'Improve their personalities' is okay but combine with 'develop' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'try as many things as they can' and 'help them develop' to clarify meaning.

× And that will be a really great improvement.

✓ That would be a great improvement.

The phrase 'a really great improvement' is repetitive; 'really great' is redundant. Also 'would' fits the hypothetical or evaluative tone better than 'will' following 'probably agree'. Suggestion: use concise modifiers and maintain modal consistency ('would' for tentative statements).