Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar mistakes (e.g., 'exciting to ride it' not 'write it'), and finish the answer cleanly within 2–4 sentences.

例: I didn't have many opportunities to try new activities as a child. However, when I was eight my father gave me a bicycle, and learning to ride it was a memorable experience because it made me feel independent and confident. After that, I often cycled with friends around the neighborhood, which helped me become more adventurous.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then explain with one clear reason and a brief example. Avoid repeating phrases and filler words. Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' to connect ideas, and keep the answer to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I believe people should try as many different things as possible because it helps them discover skills and interests they might not otherwise find. For example, trying a music class or volunteering could reveal a talent for teaching or performing.

× I didn't have many opportunities to take part in new activities as a child, but I do remember that when I was eight, my father gave me a bicycle as a present. Learning to ride it was a memorable experience and it made me it made me feel independent and it's also exciting to to write it near my

✓ I didn't have many opportunities to take part in new activities as a child, but I do remember that when I was eight my father gave me a bicycle as a present. Learning to ride it was a memorable experience, and it made me feel independent; it was also exciting to ride it near my house.

The sentence contains repetitions and fragmented phrases that break sentence structure. 'it made me it made me' is duplicated; 'to to write it' is incorrect word choice and repetition. The clause 'it's also exciting to to write it near my' is incomplete and mixes present tense with past narrative. Suggestions: remove duplicate words, replace 'write' with 'ride', complete the final clause by adding the object ('house' or 'home'), and maintain past tense consistency (use 'was' instead of 'is') so the narrative stays coherent.

× Learning to ride it was a memorable experience and it made me it made me feel independent and it's also exciting to to write it near my

✓ Learning to ride it was a memorable experience, and it made me feel independent; it was also exciting to ride it near my home.

The sentence wrongly mixes present adjective/adverb usage with past narrative and contains repeated phrases ('it made me it made me') and a wrong verb 'write' instead of 'ride'. Use past adjective 'was' to match 'learning to ride' (past event). Remove duplicates and correct the verb choice. Also use a clear noun after 'near my' such as 'home' or 'house' to complete the phrase.

× I think people should try their best to experience different many different things because this can make them find their potential and and let us then realize their talent, their talent, their innate talent Some

✓ I think people should try their best to experience many different things because this can help them discover their potential and realize their innate talents.

This sentence has redundancy ('different many different things', 'their talent, their talent, their innate talent') and inconsistent pronoun use ('make them find' then 'let us then realize'). 'Make them find' is awkward; 'help them discover' is clearer. Remove repeated words, use plural 'talents' to match 'many different things' and maintain consistent pronouns ('them' throughout). Also remove stray word 'Some' at the end. Keep present modal 'should' as the advice context requires present modal usage.