Opportunities— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Good content and a clear personal example. To improve, make the answer more concise and structured: start with a direct topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details, using a linking word. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., ‘opportunities’ → ‘chances’ or ‘occasions’), avoid redundancy (don’t repeat ‘experience’), and keep within four sentences. Pronounce key phrases clearly and use a past simple consistently for past events.

例: Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I joined the cheerleading team, and although I wasn’t very skilled at first, I practiced regularly to improve. As a result, I gained confidence and enjoyed learning new skills.

提案: Strong opinion and clear reasons. To improve, make the structure tighter: a direct topic sentence, one linking word, and one concise reason with a specific example or consequence. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., ‘explore’ or ‘broaden horizons’), and avoid repeating ‘learn’ twice close together. Keep it to two or three sentences for maximum clarity.

例: Yes, people should try many different activities, especially when they are young, because it helps them broaden their horizons. For instance, trying sports or hobbies can teach resilience and show that mistakes are part of learning.

× I remember when I was asked to do cheer dancing, even though I wasn't good enough, I really tried my best to step up my game and have fun in experiencing new things and it was a memorable experience for me.

✓ I remember when I was asked to do cheerleading; even though I wasn't very good, I really tried my best to step up my game, have fun trying new things, and it was a memorable experience for me.

The phrase 'cheer dancing' is awkward; 'cheerleading' is the correct noun. 'Have fun in experiencing new things' is unnatural: use 'have fun trying new things' where 'trying' is the correct verb + -ing form after 'have fun'. Also simplify 'good enough' to 'very good' for naturalness. Use punctuation to separate clauses for clarity.

× It is very important to learn that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from it instead of just not doing anything.

✓ It is very important to learn that it is okay to make mistakes and to learn from them instead of just not doing anything.

The pronoun 'it' is incorrect when referring back to 'mistakes' (plural); use 'them'. Also parallelism: use 'to learn' after 'and' to match 'to make mistakes'. This fixes pronoun reference and maintains consistent verb forms.

× I remember when I was asked to do cheer dancing, even though I wasn't good enough, I really tried my best to step up my game and have fun in experiencing new things and it was a memorable experience for me.

✓ I remember when I was asked to do cheerleading; even though I wasn't very good, I really tried my best to step up my game and have fun trying new things, and it was a memorable experience for me.

'Good enough' is comparative and contextually 'very good' or 'good' is more natural here. Adjusting to 'very good' is an adjective improvement for clearer meaning. Also avoid redundant phrases like 'it was a memorable experience for me' but it is acceptable; keep punctuation for readability.