Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer directly, then give one clear reason or example. The phrase “but I was” is unfinished, and “a sad news” should be “some sad news” or “a piece of sad news.” Avoid fillers and explain the connection between the news and feeling tired.

例: Yes, I often feel tired, especially when I haven’t slept well. For example, I only slept for about an hour last night, and I also received some upsetting news this morning. As a result, I’ve felt exhausted and distracted all day.

提案: Your answer gives relevant causes and a personal link, but reduce repeated fillers such as “like” and make the first clause grammatically consistent: “if I haven’t had enough sleep.” Avoid presenting a broad scientific claim as proven unless you can support it; focus on your own experience instead.

例: I usually feel tired when I haven’t had enough sleep or when I start scrolling on my phone as soon as I wake up. I’ve noticed that checking my phone first thing in the morning makes me feel less focused. I feel more energetic when I get up, have some water, and get ready before looking at it.

提案: You provide a clear response and a relevant contrast, but avoid using “although” and “but” together. Replace “have this guilt trip” with the more natural “feel guilty,” and remove the repeated “but” and fillers. Add a specific detail about how coffee helps you.

例: When I feel tired, I usually make myself a cup of coffee. I sometimes prefer energy drinks, but I feel guilty afterward because they contain a lot of sugar and caffeine. Coffee helps me feel more alert, especially when I have work to finish.

提案: Give a direct answer and explain it without repeating the same point. Use “I don’t do anything” rather than “I don’t do nothing,” which is a double negative. Also, replace the unclear phrase “It needs, you need to do that” with a simple explanation of why you prefer to stay in.

例: No, I usually stay home when I feel tired. I don’t have enough energy to enjoy socializing, so I’d rather rest and catch up with my friends another day. If I feel only a little tired, though, I might still meet them for a quiet meal.

× When I first woke up I was struck by a sad news that made me restless all day.

✓ When I first woke up, I was struck by some sad news that made me restless all day.

News is an uncountable noun, so it cannot take the article a. Use some before it, or say a piece of sad news.

× I usually feel tired if I didn't have like a sufficient sleep or like if I used my phone immediately after I wake up.

✓ I usually feel tired if I don't get sufficient sleep or if I use my phone immediately after I wake up.

This describes a repeated or general situation, so use the present tense in both conditional clauses to match usually feel and wake up. Also, sleep is uncountable here, so do not use a before it.

× I usually feel tired if I didn't have like a sufficient sleep or like if I used my phone immediately after I wake up.

✓ I usually feel tired if I don't get sufficient sleep or if I use my phone immediately after I wake up.

Sleep is uncountable when it refers to rest in general, so a sufficient sleep is not the usual form. Say sufficient sleep, or a sufficient amount of sleep.

× Although I prefer energy drinks, but I have this like guilt trip after I drink them so 'cause it's so unhealthy.

✓ Although I prefer energy drinks, I have this guilt trip after I drink them because they are so unhealthy.

Although already introduces a contrast, so do not add but in the same clause. Also, use one causal conjunction rather than combining so and because. Because they are so unhealthy makes the reason clear.

× No, when I feel tired, I don't do nothing.

✓ No, when I feel tired, I don't do anything.

In standard English, don't and nothing create a double negative and can imply the opposite meaning. Use anything with don't to express that you do no activities.

× It needs, you need to do that.

✓ You need to do that.

It needs is an incomplete clause in this context, and the following you need to do that restarts the thought. Remove the abandoned opening and state the complete clause directly.