Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations, fix articles and verb forms (e.g. "an internship"), and reduce redundancy. Add one or two specific supporting details with linking words.

例: Yes, I often feel tired. Currently I'm in my final year at college, so I have many credits and assignments to complete, and I am also doing an internship on a financial advisory team, which makes my schedule very busy.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and use precise vocabulary. Remove fillers and repetition, explain reason succinctly and use linking words (for example, "because" or "so"). Provide one specific example of what you eat or how you feel.

例: I usually feel tired after dinner because I tend to eat large portions of carbohydrates, such as rice or pasta, which make me sleepy while my body digests them.

提案: Start with a direct answer, avoid colloquial fillers and pronoun errors ("we'll" unclear), and keep sentences short. Give one or two specific activities and briefly explain why they help you.

例: Mostly I rest at home; sometimes I practise short meditation sessions to relax, or I re-read novels because reading calms me down and helps me unwind.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and avoid repetition. Use correct collocations ("drains my energy"), and give a brief reason and one specific alternative activity. Limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: No, I usually don't. Hanging out drains my energy, so I prefer to stay at home and either rest in bed or meditate and read a book to recover.

× I am in my final year in my college

✓ I am in my final year at college

The preposition 'in' is acceptable but 'at college' is more natural; also 'my college' is redundant when saying 'final year'. Use 'at' for institution and omit 'my' for general description. ID:6

× I do have a lot of credits and courses that I need to attend

✓ I have a lot of credits and courses I need to take

Use 'have' rather than 'do have' in affirmative statements. 'Attend' is used for attending classes or events, but 'take' is more natural for courses. Remove unnecessary 'that' for conciseness. ID:14

× I do have a internship at a financial advisory team

✓ I have an internship with a financial advisory team

Use the indefinite article 'an' before a vowel sound ('internship'). Use 'have' rather than 'do have'. Use 'with' or 'at' for association; 'with' is more natural here. Remove unnecessary 'a' before team. ID:22

× So that is quite a little bit heavy, like workloading

✓ So that is quite heavy, like a heavy workload

'Quite a little bit heavy' is redundant and unidiomatic. Use 'quite heavy'. 'Workloading' is not a noun; the correct noun is 'workload' and to describe it, use 'a heavy workload'. ID:13

× I either eat a lot of like carbohydrate in my dinner and it takes like so many energy to, to, you know, digest the food that I just ate that I just eat

✓ I often eat a lot of carbohydrates at dinner, and it takes a lot of energy to digest the food I just ate

Use plural 'carbohydrates'. 'At dinner' is more natural than 'in my dinner'. 'A lot of energy' is correct rather than 'so many energy'. Remove repetition and awkward fillers. Use simple past 'ate' for the action completed before feeling tired. ID:8

× after dinner, it's a time that I feel tired all the time

✓ After dinner is when I always feel tired

Avoid redundant 'a time that'. Use adverb placement: 'always' before the verb 'feel'. Keep present simple to describe habitual action. ID:6

× Well be honest, I just do nothing and and maybe sometime we'll do some meditation or re read some novels

✓ To be honest, I usually do nothing; sometimes I meditate or reread novels

Use 'To be honest' as the correct phrase. 'I just do nothing' can be 'I usually do nothing'. Remove duplicated 'and'. Use 'sometimes' instead of 'sometime' and 'reread' as one word. 'We'll' (we will) is incorrect in this context; use present simple for habitual actions. ID:26

× I'm a huge fan of reading books

✓ I'm a huge fan of reading books

This sentence is grammatically acceptable; keep as is. No correction needed but noted as natural phrasing. ID:13

× maybe I would do meditation and recent books when I feel tired

✓ Maybe I would meditate and read books when I feel tired

'Do meditation' is better as 'meditate'. 'Recent books' is unclear; likely intended 'read books'. Use parallel verb forms 'meditate and read'. ID:12

× because I think hanging out with my friends is a little bit draining my energy out

✓ because I think hanging out with my friends drains my energy a bit

Use subject 'hanging out with my friends' with verb 'drains'. Avoid 'draining my energy out' which is awkward; 'drains my energy' is idiomatic. Place quantifier 'a bit' at the end. ID:12

× So when I just feel tired, I won't go out with my friends

✓ So when I feel tired, I don't go out with my friends

Use present simple for habitual actions ('I don't go out') rather than 'won't' which indicates refusal or future. Remove unnecessary 'just' which weakens clarity. ID:7

× Instead, I will stay in my bed, stay in my house, and then just, you know, do meditation or reading some books

✓ Instead, I stay in bed at home and just meditate or read books

Use idiomatic expressions: 'stay in bed' (no 'my') and 'at home'. Use parallel verb forms 'meditate or read books' rather than 'do meditation or reading'. Use present simple for habitual behavior. ID:11}]}