Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence stating how often you feel tired, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid filler sounds and unnecessary repetition, and use correct tense and simple accurate phrases (e.g., “I feel tired most days because…”).

例: I feel tired most days. For example, when I study for long hours or spend a lot of time outside, I get physically drained. Also, stress and anxiety make me feel tired mentally, so I often need to rest in the evening.

提案: Give a concise, well-structured answer: say when you feel tired and list two clear reasons using linking words like “because” and “also.” Correct grammar (past tense for yesterday) and remove hesitations. Provide a brief example or detail to support your answer.

例: I felt tired yesterday because I had many chores and a heavy study schedule. For instance, I cleaned the house in the morning and then spent the afternoon studying for university courses, so by evening I was exhausted.

提案: Answer with a clear topic sentence and list activities using linking words. Correct phrases (e.g., “when I’m tired”), avoid repetition, and use plural/singular correctly. Give specific details (how long you sleep, what music you listen to) to make it more vivid.

例: When I’m tired, I usually take a short nap for about 30 minutes. I also like to go for a walk while listening to upbeat pop or lo-fi music because it relaxes me and helps me feel refreshed.

提案: Start with a direct answer (Yes/No) and then explain briefly with specific details. Use correct collocations (e.g., “after our hard studies”), proper linking words (“because,” “so”), and avoid repeating words. Mention frequency and typical activities to add clarity.

例: Yes, I still go out with my friends quite often. After a long day of studying, we usually go for a walk or jog in the park in the evenings, and sometimes we have dinner together before strolling around.

× To be honest, uh when we go outside more and when we study more I feel tired but not every time.

✓ To be honest, when we go out more or study more, I feel tired, but not every time.

The adverbial phrases 'when we go outside more' and 'when we study more' need clearer coordination and placement. Using 'or' clarifies alternatives; adding commas improves readability and places the adverbial clause correctly before the main clause.

× Most everyday.

✓ Most days.

'Most everyday' is incorrect because 'everyday' is an adjective meaning 'ordinary.' Use the noun 'days' with 'most' to express frequency: 'most days.'

× Whenever I I get stressed, anxiety also fill out with my friends.

✓ Whenever I get stressed, I also feel anxious around my friends.

Double 'I' is a repetition error. 'Anxiety also fill out with my friends' is ungrammatical: 'anxiety' is a noun and doesn't 'fill out with.' Use the verb phrase 'feel anxious' and specify the subject. Also word order and verb agreement are corrected.

× I thought tired and stressed.

✓ I feel tired and stressed.

'I thought tired and stressed' uses past tense 'thought' incorrectly; context indicates present feelings. Use 'feel' to express current state. The sentence structure requires a linking verb + adjective.

× Uh, actually yesterday I felt tired because, uh, yesterday I had a lot of chores and not only chores, but also I have AI had a studied a lot, uh, like courses and university, the lessons also other cleaning chores we, I had.

✓ Yesterday I felt tired because I had a lot of chores and I also studied a lot for my courses and university lessons.

The original mixes tenses, has repetitions and extras like 'AI had a studied.' Use simple past consistently ('felt,' 'had,' 'studied') for actions completed yesterday. Remove redundant words and reorder phrases for clarity.

× That's why I felt tired.

✓ That's why I felt tired.

This sentence is correct grammatically in context; no change needed. It properly uses past tense to explain the reason.

× If I type it, I if I type it I will get some sleep.

✓ If I feel tired, I will get some sleep.

'Type' seems to be a misused word for 'feel tired.' Replace with 'feel tired.' Use the conditional structure 'If I feel tired, I will...' to express what the speaker does. Also remove repetition.

× Also go outside for with with my favorite music and also walking and sleeping and listening musics is useful for me when I type it.

✓ I also go outside with my favorite music; walking, sleeping, and listening to music are useful for me when I feel tired.

Fix prepositions: 'go outside with my favorite music.' Use parallel gerund nouns 'walking, sleeping, listening to music.' 'Listening musics' is incorrect; use 'listening to music.' Replace 'when I type it' with 'when I feel tired.'

× Actually yes, when we feel tired also after our hearts studies, also lessons, we often go outside on also walking and jogging in the evenings.

✓ Yes. When we feel tired after our classes or studies, we often go outside to walk or jog in the evenings.

Use 'classes or studies' instead of 'hearts studies.' 'Go outside on also walking' is incorrect; use 'go outside to walk or jog.' Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× After dinner we often go to parks with my friends.

✓ After dinner we often go to the park with my friends.

Use singular 'the park' when referring to a habitual activity in a nearby park, and the definite article 'the' is appropriate. If multiple parks were intended, 'parks' could be correct but more natural is 'the park.' Also maintain consistent preposition 'to.'