Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, grammatically correct and directly answer first. Avoid repetition and ensure clear sentence structure. Use a topic sentence, one or two supporting details, and finish with a brief concluding remark. Correct common errors (e.g., 'oftenly' → 'often', 'came back' → 'come back', 'massage my parents' likely 'manage for my parents' or 'help my parents').

例: Yes, I often feel tired, especially on very busy days. For example, after spending the day at university and coming home to help my parents with chores, I usually feel worn out. However, I still consider those days productive and satisfying.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating the situation, then give specific reasons and sequence using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'so', 'therefore'). Remove fillers and correct grammar (e.g., 'back-to-back', 'I go home', 'I do a workout'). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I feel most tired on days when I have back-to-back classes at university because there is no break to rest. After classes I often go straight home, do a workout and study additional courses, so by evening I’m quite exhausted but satisfied that I achieved a lot.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then explain specific actions and link them logically. Correct awkward phrases ('stop tired' → 'try to relax') and be specific about activities (e.g., 'have tea', 'watch TV', 'talk about our day'). Limit to 3–4 sentences and avoid repetition.

例: When I feel tired, I try to relax by spending time with my family. For instance, I make tea and chat with my parents about our day, which helps me unwind. Having that conversation and laughter usually makes me feel much better.

提案: Answer directly then give a brief explanation with specific examples. Fix grammar (e.g., 'depends on who the friend is', 'I have had many good times with her'). Avoid emotional repetition and keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: It depends on who asks; if it’s my best friend Kirin, I usually go out even when I’m tired. We’ve had many good times together, and her company always cheers me up, but I usually decline invitations from others when I’m exhausted.

× Yes, I feel tired oftenly when I have hectic routine and when I go to university came back home and massage my parents so yeah I would say it's tiring but not that tiring because it's a productive day so I would count this as a win so yeah

✓ Yes, I often feel tired when I have a hectic routine and when I go to university, come back home, and massage my parents. I would say it's tiring but not too tiring because it's a productive day, so I count it as a win.

The word 'oftenly' is not a correct adverb; the correct form is 'often'. Several sentence structure issues: missing articles ('a hectic routine'), incorrect verb sequence ('go to university came back home' should be 'go to university, come back home'), and run-on sentence; commas and conjunctions are needed. Suggestion: use 'often', add 'a' before 'hectic routine', separate actions with commas and consistent verb forms, and split long run-ons into clearer sentences.

× I feel extremely tired when I have back to back classes in the university because when there is no gap so it's me it would be a very very exhausting day and I have to come back home when I finish my university. I just do workout and do other courses. So it becomes a tiring day for me. However, it's a productive.

✓ I feel extremely tired when I have back-to-back classes at university because when there is no gap, it is a very exhausting day. After I finish at university, I come back home, work out, and take other courses. So it becomes a tiring day for me. However, it's productive.

'Back to back' should be hyphenated when used as an adjective ('back-to-back'), and 'in the university' is better as 'at university' in this context. The clause 'so it's me it would be a very very exhausting day' is ungrammatical; replace with 'it is a very exhausting day'. 'I just do workout' is incorrect; use 'work out' (phrasal verb) and include conjunctions to list activities. 'However, it's a productive.' has an article/wording error; say 'it's productive'. Suggestion: use hyphens, correct prepositions ('at university'), use clear clauses and parallel verbs (come back, work out, take).

× The best thing I do when I feel tired I stop tired. I spend my time with my family. I think spending time with your family is the biggest therapy you could ever have. I spend my time with my family with my mother and my father especially I talk to them, talk about their day, how they spend their day, how I spend their day. So we talk about each other and it's so relieving a part

✓ The best thing I do when I feel tired is rest. I spend time with my family. I think spending time with your family is the greatest therapy you could have. I spend time with my mother and father; I especially talk to them about their day and mine. We talk about each other, and it is very relieving.

The phrase 'I stop tired' is ungrammatical; use 'rest'. Avoid repetition: 'spend my time with my family with my mother and my father' should be simplified. 'The biggest therapy' is better as 'the greatest therapy' or 'the best therapy'. 'How I spend their day' is incorrect pronoun reference; should be 'my day' or 'mine'. 'Relieving a part' is ungrammatical; use 'very relieving'. Suggestion: use concise verbs ('rest', 'spend time'), correct pronoun references, and clean sentence boundaries.

× It depends who's that friend. If it's my best friend Kirin, I would say yes, but if it's any other person, I would say a big no. Kirin, because she is my best friend and I loved many times with her. It doesn't matter if I'm tired, exhausted, sad, it doesn't matter. If she is here, I am happy with her. That's all to me.

✓ It depends on who the friend is. If it's my best friend Kirin, I would say yes; but if it's anyone else, I would say no. Kirin is my best friend, and I have shared many memories with her. It doesn't matter if I'm tired, exhausted, or sad. If she is with me, I am happy. That's all that matters to me.

'Who's that friend' is informal and incorrect here; use 'who the friend is' or 'who the friend is' with 'depends on'. 'Any other person' is less natural than 'anyone else'. 'I loved many times with her' is incorrect tense and collocation; use 'I have shared many memories with her' or 'we have had many good times together'. 'If she is here' could be 'if she is with me'. 'That's all to me' should be 'That's all that matters to me'. Suggestion: fix preposition 'depends on', use 'anyone else', correct verb phrases and idiomatic expressions.